...you forget your wife's face.
...you forget your dog's name.
...you forget your WIFE's name.
...you rename your dog Browser.
...you forget to rename your wife.
...you ATTEMPT to rename your wife.
...you start collecting and re-publishing that wacky Internet humor:
Top Ten Habits Of Highly Effective Flamethrowers, by mattl@cnet.com
Rule 10: Never forget that the person reading your mail is a person, with feelings that can be hurt. If you see the opportunity, hurt them.
Rule 9: Behave online as you do in real life. This way, you can act like a total jerk under all circumstances.
Rule 8: Lurk until you get a feel for what's acceptable in a particular forum or newsgroup. Then leap in and do the opposite.
Rule 7: Be aware of others' time and bandwidth. Never post anything shorter than seven paragraphs. Ensure your sig is at least a screen long.
Rule 6: Make yourself look good online--always post your abuse in complete, grammatically correct sentences.
Rule 5: Share expert knowledge. If you know how to push someone's buttons in a forum, send private eMail to everyone else telling them.
Rule 4: Help keep flame wars under control: lead the charge.
Rule 3: Respect other people's privacy... if you have some dirt about a member of a newsgroup, spread it only via private eMail.
Rule 2: Don't abuse your power. Flame only those who disagree with you.
Rule 1: Remember: You were a network newbie once, too. You deserved all the flaming you got then. The current batch deserves no less.
...you take inordinate pride in your measly collection of emoticons:
<:-/
.....Feeling stoopid
8-)
......Four-eyes
:-#
......Wearing braces
:-{}
.....Recent collagen shots
:<)
......Recent nose job
-:-)
......Recent mohawk
:-()=
....Drooling
[:-|
.......Sighted Frankensein
***:-(
..Blowing off steam
<<:-)
....Sighted the Pope
;-P
.......Nudge, nudge, wink, wink
(tongue-in-cheek)
~:-\
.......Sighted Elvis
...you haven't stepped away from the
computer in three days, because you're afraid your Web connection
might time out.
...you
find yourself reinventing the wheel - Pam Kagan has done a yeoman's
job of collecting these Jeff Foxworthy-type jokes at Netaholics Anonymous,
mentioned elsewhere in F12. If you find that you have a unique test for being
a modemhead, and want a less-crowded showcase for your material,
send it to us. We'll post the best ones
here, but only if you can guarantee that they're unpublished elsewhere!
© Alan C. Baird ~
The backup counter's even reset itself!