There are many genuine twelve-step programs in existence, and they provide an enormous amount of psychological and spiritual support and service to humanity.

In case you hadn't noticed, F12 is not really one of them... Surprise!

So, with humble apologies to the real deal, here is F12's frivolous version.

The Twelve Keys of Interholics:

We...

F1: ...admit that we have no life.

F2: ...believe that a Power greater than ourselves can either restore us to sanity or provide us with unlimited, no-cost Internet dial-up.

F3: ...made a decision to turn our lives over to that Great Webmaster In The Sky ("GWITS").

F4: ...performed a searching moral inventory with the Web search engine of our choice.

F5: ...admitted to GWITS, ourselves and another human being (even if only by eMail) the exact nature of our obsession.

F6: ...were entirely ready to have GWITS remove our shortcomings and remedy our lack of knowledge about the latest IRC chat technology.

F7: ...humbly asked GWITS to allow us to FTP the file updates.

F8: ...made a list of all persons we had neglected, and posted it on our personal home page.

F9: ...made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would cut into our scheduled netsurf time.

F10: ...continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, blamed it on our outdated software.

F11: ...sought through prayer and meditation to improve our contact Smokin'with GWITS, by utilizing higher modem speeds and improved bandwidth.

F12: ...had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Keys, tried to carry the message to other Interholics, and ended up making complete pests out of ourselves.

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