ELEVEN THOUSAND VIRGINS

Screenplay By
Aniko' J. Bartos & Alan C. Baird

Registered WGAw
(c) Aniko' J. Bartos & Alan C. Baird
e: HotTip [at] Gmail.com
w: www.9TimeZones.com/s/scripts.htm

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"ELEVEN THOUSAND VIRGINS"

BLACK SCREEN...

...until a small gas flame ignites from the side of the
screen and burns in a curving arc upward toward the
top.  It's hot blue on the underside of the curve,
shading away to yellow in the vertical portion.
Simultaneously, an unworldly, hypnotic MUSIC surrounds
the senses - it's a combination of ancient instruments,
designed during the Middle Ages, and modern electronic
synthesizers.  In a THX theatre, the foreboding bass
line of this music will leave the breastbone vibrating.
Eventually, an ethereal woman's voice will float in, as
if on the wings of angels.  But for now, the flame dips
to light a candle in a contemporary holder, then moves
slightly to light an incense stick.  Methodically,
other candle wicks blaze to life as the flame caresses
them.


INT. ALEX BARNETT'S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

As candles in different holders start to provide
sufficient light, the source of the flame becomes
visible - it's a small gun-like tool, sometimes used
for igniting barbecue briquets.  It has a five-inch
squared-off barrel, and a trigger for starting the
flame, with a thicker in-line handle which conceals a
small butane reservoir.  The candles are various shapes
and sizes; some are only a handsbreadth in length and
are enclosed in colored glass, much like votive
candles.  The effect of the music is powerful enough to
give the feeling of a monastery, which is something of
a paradox, because the gradual lessening of the
darkness is revealing quite modern furnishings, with
eclectic details from several styles.  Art Deco picture
frames highlight the work of an obviously accomplished
photographer, a sculpted Corinthian pillar supports a
museum-quality Danish stereo loudspeaker, and a tiny,
delicate Japanese netsuke carving has been pushed aside
to make way for candles on a black enamel coffee table.
The lighted bouncing columns of the stereo's graphic
display reflect the shift in the lower DRONE of the
electronic instruments giving way to the higher
register of the angelic, clear-toned SOPRANO.  The
words are in Latin, and the author of this spiritual
music is none other than the twelfth-century mystic,
Hildegard von Bingen.  The electronic synthesizers
blend into the background, but still provide a strong
contrast to the female plainchant and the ancient
instruments.  The dark-cowled figure who's been
wielding the small flame gun moves to sit in the lotus
posture on the floor behind the coffee table.  The cowl
is part of a terrycloth bathrobe, and as it falls away,
ALEX BARNETT's wet hair is revealed.  He's a handsome,
dynamic man in his early forties, and tears are rolling
down his face unchecked.  His fingers sway almost
imperceptibly in time with the music, and it's clear
that the music has moved him deeply.  After a few
seconds, he looks up and gently draws the sleeve of his
bathrobe across his cheek to blot the tears.

ALEX'S P.O.V.

KRISTI, in her early twenties, is standing at the
living room entrance.  She's slightly tousled, and is a
spectacular specimen of young womanhood.  We are in an
excellent position to make this judgment, seeing as
she's wearing only a smile.

KRISTI
Round two, anyone?

She's too far away to notice the tears Alex has just
wiped away, but his disgusted expression is plain for
anyone to see.

ALEX
(frosty)
I think it's time we called it a
night, Kristi.

She's not giving up so easily - with a pout, and the
confidence of one who has never been denied her
slightest whim, she saunters to the CD turntable
mounted vertically against the far wall.  As her hand
approaches the glass doors, they slide open
automatically, the MUSIC cuts off abruptly, and the
golden disc spins to a stop.  She takes it out,
frisbees it casually across the rug, and starts to flip
through a zig-zag chrome shelf of discs mounted above
the turntable.

KRISTI
(she knows best)
Alex.  (helpful)  You got "Bolero"
here someplace, don'tcha?

Alex's movements are a blur.  He gracefully scoops up
the disc on the rug, effortlessly pinions one of
Kristi's arms, and pulls her close.  She is prepared to
like whatever's coming next, and stands on her tippy-toes
in anticipation.  Alex nods toward the open balcony door.

ALEX
(command voice,
velvet delivery)
It's four floors over the railing
if you're still here in ten
seconds.

A slap could not have crumpled Kristi's face more
effectively.  Experience tells her that she should be
very afraid, and she scurries out of the living room.
After she's gone, Alex's steely composure changes to a
wry smile.

ALEX
(continuing, to
himself)
That's what I get for playing in
the minor leagues...

Kristi re-enters, still nude, and she's scrambling to
hug a clump of clothes between her breasts.  She
crosses to the door in the foyer, giving Alex a wide
berth.  One of her shoes falls and bounces toward Alex
as she opens the door, but she sees Alex approaching
grimly, and she hesitates a moment too long.  He pushes
her out the door into the hallway.

ALEX
(continuing, to
Kristi)
If you hurry, it'll still be
waiting for you out front.

A GUY opens the door of the condo opposite Alex's, and
gets an eyeful of Kristi as she is hustled out into the
hall.  She has a short, guilty moment of modesty, but
is more intent on getting away from Alex.  She stops,
CLUCKS her tongue at the neighbor, at Alex, and at men
in general.

KRISTI
Perverts.

The neighbor does a take of protested innocence.  Alex
lunges to pinch Kristi's bare ass, but she scoots away
with a SCREAM.  As the guy retreats and closes his
door, a FEMALE VOICE starts haranguing him from inside
his condo.

FEMALE VOICE (O.S.)
What were you looking at, anyway?
How come you never...

The voice fades to a dull YAMMERING as the door closes.
Alex steps back inside his doorway and closes the door
quietly.  He picks up the dropped shoe and studies the
pink-soled white Reebok; after a few seconds, he walks
over to the CD turntable and starts the MUSIC again, at
track two.  After absorbing a few bars, he slowly
crosses to the balcony and leans over the railing.


EXT. ALEX'S BALCONY - CONTINUOUS

The lights of Los Angeles radiate below the canyon of
the hillside building.  Alex is still examining the
pink and white Reebok.  He finally sighs and suspends
it over the railing between thumb and forefinger.


EXT. NAPA VALLEY FIELD - DAWN, TEN YEARS EARLIER

A younger, long-haired, bearded Alex helps unfold a
large expanse of nylon material which will eventually
grow into a hot-air balloon.  LARS HOLSTRUM, a camera
around his neck, also helps; RICK SHEEHAN, a balloon
pilot, directs the logistics.  NICOLE BOISVERT hugs
Alex, then hesitantly plucks at a mass of nylon sitting
on the ground in front of her.  REVEREND CLYDE HIXSON,
a Baptist preacher, stands well away from the hubbub,
cradling a well-worn Bible.

RICK
Nicole, walk the envelope out
downwind.

LARS
(Teutonic accent)
Are you certain this balloon will
hold all of us, Rick?

RICK
(drily chuckling)
Last week, I took up a hefty group
of five Weight Watchers.

Lars, Nicole and Alex join his LAUGH somewhat
nervously.  Rev. Clyde's eyes venture skyward as his
lips move slightly.  It's threatening to rain.  Rick
sets up an industrial-sized, gasoline-powered fan next
to an elaborately woven wicker basket that is large
enough for six.  Propane tanks and flexible tubes line
the basket, culminating at the apex, which supports a
huge stainless steel burner.  Five feet away, Rick
pull-starts the FAN, and directs Lars to suspend a fold
of nylon in front of it.  The blowing air gets under
the fold of nylon, and a nylon bubble slowly expands.


MONTAGE - JUMP CUTS - CONTINUOUS

Throughout this scene, we will jump-cut to compress
time a bit; the largest of these jumps will only be
five minutes or thereabouts.  As Rev. Clyde stands
apart, everyone else lends a hand in stretching out the
nylon, running inside the growing nylon bubble to check
for rips in the envelope, and clowning around inside
the circus-tent-like structure that's growing by leaps
and bounds.  It's huge, it's colossal; it's certainly
bigger than a breadbox.  Rick finally orchestrates
everyone out of the envelope, and has them help him tip
the woven basket on its side.  He STOPS the fan, and
FIRES UP the burner; while the fan was loud, this
burner is deafening.  The effect is awesome, as the
flame jumps out sideways a good five or six feet; it's
hot blue on the underside of the flame, shading away to
yellow on the top.  Everyone stands back, suitably
impressed.  Another ten minutes pass in JUMP CUTS,
while the burner heats the air inside the envelope.  As
the nylon takes shape, it gradually forms into a Gothic
cathedral.  The balloon/cathedral swells on its side
and slowly drifts upright, standing easily eight
stories tall.  Rick keeps the burner pointed inside the
nylon opening, letting the woven basket be pulled up
from its side by the growing lift in the balloon.

ANGLE ON ALEX AND LARS

They stand at some distance from the balloon and the
ROAR of the burner.  Rev. Clyde stands an equal
distance on the other side.

LARS
(indicates
Rev. Clyde)
Where did you find that guy?
RICK
We set the whole thing up over the
phone.  I guess not too many
preachers are willing to go up in a
balloon to perform a wedding.

Nicole joins them, rubbing her ears from the noise.

NICOLE
(French accent)
I asked the minister to keep it
short.

Alex bends over to pick up two bottles of Mo t
champagne, and the group heads toward the balloon.

ALEX
Since you can't control the
direction of these monsters, you
take along two bottles of
champagne - one to apologize to the
farmer when you land in his field,
and one to drink while you wait for
your ground crew to pick you up!

Everyone LAUGHS as they walk, but the DIN of the burner
quickly drowns them out.  The basket, with Rick in it,
is finally in an upright position again - and Rick
nervously checks the clouds.  He shuts off the burner,
and our ears ring from the sudden SILENCE.

RICK
(shouting)
Can everyone still hear?  Lars?

LARS
(holding his ears)
I think I've gone blind.

LAUGHTER all around.  Rick points up at the sky.

RICK
The weather's not cooperating.  We
won't be able to go free-flying
today.

GROANS from everyone except the good Reverend.  He
starts walking toward his car.

RICK
(continuing)
But... we can get you married in a
balloon today, if you don't mind
bobbing at the end of a hundred-foot rope tether.

ALEX
(to Nicole)
Today's your birthday...

NICOLE
(to Alex)
...and we wanted to do it on the
year's shortest day...

ALEX
(to Rick)
...so let's go for it!

A CHEER from everyone - except Rev. Clyde, who looks
disapprovingly over his shoulder, then walks glumly
back to the group.  Rick directs everyone to climb into
the basket, as he arranges the tether rope.

RICK
Now we have to build up some lift.

Rick pulls on the chain that fires up the burner with a
mighty ROAR.

JUMP CUT - A FEW MINUTES LATER

Rick is still yanking on the burner chain as he leans
over to drop a burlap bag of sand ballast outside the
basket.  The basket shudders and rises a few inches.
Rick motions everyone to heave a sandbag over the side,
and as they do, the balloon/cathedral rises smoothly
into the damp morning air.  When the balloon is bobbing
gracefully at the end of the tether rope, Rick releases
the burner chain.  The SILENCE and the fog-shrouded
view of the Napa Valley are almost mystical.

RICK
It's all yours, Reverend Clyde.

REV.
That's Reverend Hixson to you.
(gathering himself)  In the
beginning was the Word, and...

The Reverend CONTINUES in this vein, reading from his
Bible in a Fundamentalist hellfire-and-damnation theme.
Alex and Nicole slowly, discreetly snatch looks of
incredulity at each other, with raised eyebrows,
shrugged shoulders, etc.  Lars stops snapping pictures
to get a load of this weirdo.

LARS
(whispers to Alex)
I thought we were getting the
version without the extended drum
solo.

Alex nearly loses it, smothering a laugh into a COUGH.
The Reverend is oblivious to everyone's smirks.  Lars
goes back to taking pictures.

JUMP CUT - A FEW MINUTES LATER

The balloon is CREAKING, and seems to be settling
somewhat - the once-taut tether rope hangs with several
feet of slack in a looping curve, and Rick checks it
nervously every few seconds.  Finally, he gets up the
nerve to interrupt the Reverend's RANT:

RICK
I'm sorry folks, but we're losing
altitude, and I have to fire up the
burner again.

The Reverend gives Rick a disdainful look, but closes
his Bible with his finger in it to mark the spot.  Alex
and Nicole stifle grins as Rick pulls the burner chain
again - the burner THUNDERS.  Alex takes a picture out
of his pocket to show to Lars - on the back are the
words "WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENT - TIMES SQUARE ELECTRONIC
BILLBOARD - NIGHT".  He turns the picture over, and
sure enough, there's the billboard in stark black and
white, with the glittering lights of New York City
providing a backdrop.  In letters that must have been
four feet high in the original are spelled the words
"AFTER SIX YEARS OF LIVING IN SIN, ALEX AND NICOLE
FINALLY TIE THE KNOT!"  Nicole and Alex hug and rub
each other's back, while Lars beams hugely and gives a
thumbs-up sign.  Lars peers around them to glance at
the Reverend, who is facing away from the group.  Lars
holds his hands in front of him like he's wringing out
an imaginary washcloth.  Yep, agree Alex and Nicole,
he's one of the more twisted human beings they've ever
met.  Everyone silently laughs under the burner's ROAR,
including Rick, who has eavesdropped this visual
interchange.  The Reverend continues to look out over
the fields, ever oblivious.

JUMP CUT - YET ANOTHER FEW MINUTES LATER

The tether is taut, the burner is OFF, and the Reverend
is AT IT AGAIN.  He sounds like he's in the middle of
Leviticus, headed straight for Deuteronomy.  He's a man
with a mission, he's on a roll, and he's wailing, so to
speak - he sees it as his job to make sure these
irreverent heathens are good and married, by God.  The
Reverend is in the Zone:  he's Jimi Hendrix with an
electric guitar, he's Wayne Gretzky with a hockey puck,
he's Steven Spielberg with a Holocaust.  Everyone else
in the balloon is marking time, just waiting for their
cues.

JUMP CUT - STILL ANOTHER FEW MINUTES LATER

Rick pulls and tugs at his collar - he looks hot and
confined, even though he's wearing a loose teeshirt on
a cool day.  He tries throwing a sandbag overboard in
the middle of the Reverend's SPIEL, to no avail.  The
tether droops loosely.  The Reverend is in a world of
his own - he's surprised only when the ROAR of the
burner interrupts him in mid-scripture.  His mouth
continues moving for a few seconds as he looks up at
the burner, then accusingly at Rick.  Rick avoids his
gaze, and stubbornly holds onto the burner chain.

JUMP CUT - A FINAL FEW MINUTES LATER

This is a WIDER SHOT of the balloon basket; the
burner's OFF, and if we look closely, we see what seems
to be a couple of legs dangling below the far side of
the basket.  Everyone is leaning over that side.

CLOSER ANGLE - LOOKING DOWN OUT OF THE BASKET

The Reverend's white knuckles are barely gripping onto
the outside edge of the basket, and Alex is holding the
Bible over his knuckles, threatening to give them a
sharp rap:

ALEX
Say the words, Reverend.

REV.
(terrified, but
grudging
nonetheless)
Do you take this woman to be your
lawfully wedded wife?

ALEX
(smiles at Nicole)
I do.

REV.
Do you take this... (chokes it out)
...man... to be your lawfully
wedded husband?

NICOLE
(smiles at Alex)
I do.

REV.
I now pronounce you husband and
wife.  (at the end of his patience)
Will you please get me back inside
the basket now?

As the ceremony has been taking place, Lars has been
lowering the balloon by pulling on the tether rope and
coiling it outside the basket.  Rick now grabs onto the
rope with Lars, nods to Alex, and Alex SMACKS the Bible
down onto the Reverend's knuckles.  With a SCREAM, the
Reverend lets go of the basket.  Since the basket has
been lowered to within a few feet of the ground, he
merely stumbles backwards, unharmed.  The balloon,
however, shoots dramatically upward from the loss of
his weight, as Lars and Rick release the tether rope.
Alex drops a check over the side, and it flutters madly
in the strong, WHOOSHING updraft of air.

ALEX
There's your fee, Reverend.

ANGLE ON REVEREND

The Reverend comically chases the swooping, gliding
check as it descends to the field.  While he runs, he
breathlessly yells upward:

REV.
What about my Bible?

ANGLE ON BASKET

Lars breaks open the champagne for a smiling Rick,
Nicole and Alex.  Accepting a glass of bubbly from
Lars, Alex holds the Bible over the side of the basket
between his thumb and index finger, then negligently
drops it.


EXT. ALEX'S BALCONY - TEN YEARS BACK TO THE FUTURE

Alex suspends Kristi's pink and white Reebok over the
railing between his thumb and forefinger, then drops
it.

EXT. DOMAINE CHANDON RESTAURANT, NAPA - NOON, THE NEXT
DAY

Alex holds a piece of bread over the edge of the table
and drops it for a waiting bird, who snaps it up and
flies away quickly.  Nicole sits opposite him, and
smiles at the bird's haste.  Ten years have treated
Nicole well - she looks scarcely older than in the
balloon episode.  She's very well-groomed, confident,
and has obviously turned into a classy lady.  She's
dealing a Tarot card layout onto a table dotted with a
few crumbs, and containing two half-empty wine glasses.
The outdoor patio of this restaurant is surrounded with
beautiful flower beds, and is shaded by trees; there
are verdant rolling hills of grape vines in the
background.

NICOLE
So why did Kristi leave so quickly
last night?

ALEX
We were attacked by two muggers
earlier in the evening.

NICOLE
(pauses in mid-deal)
You caused some damage?

ALEX
Do you remember the Kata we had to
learn for our blue belt?

NICOLE
(smiles)
You finally got to use it.

ALEX
I broke the right femur on one guy,
and both wrists on the other.
(pause)  I think it made an
impression on her.

NICOLE
(resumes card
dealing)
You monster.

ALEX
Monster?  They attacked us!

NICOLE
Did you have to break both wrists?

ALEX
I... guess not.

NICOLE
Monster.  (pause)  Why did you
kick her out?

ALEX
I don't know... I guess the sex was
lacking something.

NICOLE
I thought you said she was a
gymnast?

ALEX
Oh, physically it was great...

NICOLE
So?

ALEX
(smiles painfully)
This reminds me of something you
once said to me.  Maybe I've
finally changed.

NICOLE
(looks into his
eyes)
We stopped growing, Alex.  We had
to separate.  The money still has
you hypnotized.

ALEX
(uncomfortable)
Did you keep that black dress from
Key West?

NICOLE
(hesitant)
Ah, yes.  The skin-tight one you
bought me on our diving trip.

ALEX
I'd love to see you in that again.

NICOLE
I'll bet you would.  I haven't worn
that dress in almost two years.

ALEX
(suggestive)
Think about what happened the last
time you wore it...

Nicole doesn't like the way the conversation has
turned - to derail Alex, she picks up a piece of bond
paper that's sitting to the side of the wine glasses
and Tarot cards.

ANGLE ON PAPER

It is the typed title page of a book - "Writes Of
Passage" by Alex Barnett.  She looks at both sides of
the paper.

ANGLE ON ALEX AND NICOLE

NICOLE
So let's see this Great American
Novel.  Have you finished it?

ALEX
Some of it.  (he squirms)  It's a
short story collection, not a
novel.

NICOLE
And where is it?  (she looks under
the table)

ALEX
(sheepish)
You're holding it.

NICOLE
Oh la la!  (wagging upright index
finger)  You are playing at being a
writer.  (shrewdly)  You call
yourself an author, rather than
actually sitting down and writing.

ALEX
When we first separated, I wrote a
few stories for you.

NICOLE
(fondly recalls)
Oh, yes, some of them were
incredible.

ALEX
If you've saved any of them, they
can be the beginning of this book.

NICOLE
I'll look for them when I get home.
(pause)  So why are you here in
Napa?

ALEX
(leans forward
expectantly)
To help you look for those stories.

NICOLE
(leans back)
The residue of romance is
friendship, Alex.

ALEX
(ironic smile)
What a French thing to say.  You
still wear the ring I gave you,
Nicole.  What's engraved on it?

NICOLE
"Pour tous jours".

ALEX
(softly)
"For always".

They're silent.  Birds CHIRP.  Bees BUZZ.  Nicole
watches a hummingbird.

NICOLE
You're really up here to see Lars
at the San Francisco store.

ALEX
Sparky can wait.  (giving up)  I
thought seeing you might be worth a
shot.

NICOLE
It's always good for us to see each
other, but let's not dwell on the
past.  (pause)  Why do you call him
Sparky?

ALEX
Do you remember the mountaintop in
Colorado, when he wanted to keep
climbing into the thunderclouds,
and we all nearly got electrocuted?

NICOLE
(giggles)
Yes...

ALEX
And do you remember the Citro n
Deux Chevaux we had in Nice that
developed compression problems
because he tried to clean the spark
plugs?

NICOLE
(laughs out loud)
Yes!

ALEX
Well, it seems that last night he
got it in his head that he could
repair his own stereo.

NICOLE
(concerned)
Is he all right?

ALEX
Once he gets his hair to lie back
down, he'll be fine.

They LAUGH.  They needed this laugh.

NICOLE
He's so stubborn - but he is quite
brilliant.  Last week, on the
phone, he made a pun in French.

ALEX
I hate that smart-ass!  Now he puns
in four languages.  (thinking)
Actually, more.  A month ago, when
I was having a drink with him in
the City, I asked him his opinion
of "The Last Action Hero".

NICOLE
(bated breath)
...and what did he say?

ALEX
He didn't say anything.  He farted.
(smirking)  It smelled awful.

NICOLE
(bewildered)
He... (she gets it) ...made a
pun... how do you say it...
olfactoire?!

ALEX
Yup.  Sparky made an olfactory pun.
Stunk the whole place up, just like
the movie.

They LAUGH again, wholeheartedly.

NICOLE
"Sparky".  I like that nickname
it fits him.  His outgoing spirit
is like a spark in the darkness.

ALEX
He certainly does love to meet
people.  I don't think his English
vocabulary includes the word
"stranger".

NICOLE
(softly)
To Lars, every human being out
there is just a new friend he
hasn't met yet.

ALEX
(wry)
Saint Sparky.

They CHUCKLE.

ALEX
(continuing)
So what do the Tarot cards say?

Nicole turns over one more card to complete the layout.

NICOLE
It looks like your world may soon
be turned upside-down!

ANGLE ON TAROT CARD #12

A man, head-down, is suspended by one foot from a rope
tied to a raised crossbar.  He seems healthy in every
way; in fact, he even has a halo around his head.


EXT. SOUTERRAIN TEESHIRTS, SAN FRANCISCO - LATER THAT
EVENING

A streetcar JANGLES by the storefront - in the big
display window, Lars ("Sparky") shows a pile of
teeshirts to Alex.  Sparky looks a bit older than at
the balloon, and as we ZOOM IN, we can see that his
hair, while the same length, is somehow... frizzier.


INT. SOUTERRAIN TEESHIRTS - CONTINUOUS

Alex rubs his friend's fuzzy hair affectionately.
Sparky holds up a teeshirt that reads:  "Back Soon.
(signed) Godot".

ALEX
We can't sell these shirts.
They're too... intellectual.  What
the hell is that?

SPARKY
You remember the existentialist
play "Waiting For Godot"?

ALEX
But nobody will buy this stuff.
It's way too highbrow!

Alex holds up "Does The Name Pavlov Ring A Bell?" and
SNORTS.

SPARKY
Among dog owners, those are already
selling like vichyssoise.

ALEX
(correcting)
Hotcakes, Sparky.

SPARKY
(correcting right
back)
It's a heat wave, Alex.  You buy
hotcakes - the rest of us will
stick with chilled soup.

Alex gives him a murderous look, Sparky CHORTLES, and
Alex holds up "I Had A Bad Day - In The Food Chain Of
Life, I Feel Like Krill".

ALEX
Krill - that's the microscopic
stuff that little fish eat...
SPARKY
...that bigger fish eat; that huge
fish eat; that wind up in your
Flounderburger.

Sparky points to a half-eaten bun in wrapping paper
that Alex has been nibbling on.  Alex studies what's
inside the bun, BURPS, looks slightly dyspeptic, and
drops the bun into a trash bin.  Sparky holds up
"Spandex Is Not A Right; It's A Privilege".

ALEX
Well, I do know a few women at the
gym who oughtta see that one...
But...

Alex holds up "Artificial Intelligence Beats Genuine
Stupidity", and raises his eyebrows.

ALEX
(continuing)
...I can't see spending good money
to stock this stuff.

Sparky holds up "Is There A Hyphen In Anal Retentive?"
and Alex GUFFAWS in spite of himself.  A young GIRL in
the store gives out a YELP and rushes over to Sparky.

GIRL
My boyfriend needs that shirt!

Sparky hands it to the girl, and she carries it
immediately over to the CASHIER.  Two other CUSTOMERS
paw through the pile that Alex has just rejected.  They
OOOH and AHHH.  Sparky and Alex move out of the way,
and Alex is impressed.

ALEX
Okay, you win.  Send me down some
samples, and I'll try 'em in the
Santa Monica store.  (pauses)
Whoever thought we'd be teeshirt
tycoons?


EXT. SAN FRANCISCO SIDEWALK - CONTINUOUS

Sparky and Alex sling their jackets over their
shoulders and walk outside into the still-warm evening.
We TRACK with them as they walk.

SPARKY
Certainly not me - I just came over
to help you open this second store.

ALEX
And you've really made this one
work - in fact, most of your crazy
ideas are benefitting both stores.
I'm lucky you're here.

SPARKY
(serious)
Unfortunately, I think I'm going to
need some time off to go back to
Germany.

ALEX
Is something wrong?

SPARKY
It's Grandmother Erna - I think her
old body is just wearing out.

ALEX
Is she ill?

SPARKY
You know her - she tries to hide
it, but I can hear the pain on the
telephone.

ALEX
(concerned)
I can't believe I might not see her
again.  We had such fun when she
visited.  She's a great lady.

SPARKY
(brainstorm)
Why don't you come with me?  It
would do her good to see you again.

ALEX
I can't leave the stores...

SPARKY
Sure you can - you've got a good
assistant in L.A., and this woman
I've hired up here is very
responsible - let's both go see
Erna!

Sparky's so delighted by this idea that Alex has to
smile; it's also plain that Alex really wants to see
Erna again.

ALEX
Well, I'll have to think about it
first...

SPARKY
Great, it's settled.

They both LAUGH.

SPARKY
(continuing)
How did your visit with Nicole go?

ALEX
Ah, we've been separated for over a
year.  We'll never patch it up.

SPARKY
(surprised)
I thought you'd given up trying.

ALEX
(clipped)
I just kicked Kristi out last
night, and I felt a void in my
life.  That's all...

SPARKY
You don't necessarily have to fill
that void with a woman.

Alex's head spins around - he stares at Sparky.

ALEX
That's what Nicole said.

SPARKY
(offhand)
She doesn't fill the void with men.

ALEX
I thought she needed someone
different.

SPARKY
She just didn't need...  Look, she
and I have talked a lot about this.
As we get older, we find that our
friendships tend to be the center
of our lives.

ALEX
What about sex?

SPARKY
Hey, I like sex just as much as
anybody, but I don't know if it's
that I'm getting pickier, or it
it's the health issue... all I know
is that whenever I do get a love
interest in my life, it tends to
unbalance my friendships.

ALEX
Hmmm.  This sounds familiar.
(pause)  Have you noticed that the
only time we get to spend any time
together is when I'm between women?

SPARKY
(dry)
I've noticed.

They CHUCKLE, then break into LAUGHTER.  Alex notices a
gold pin on the lapel of the jacket that Sparky carries
over his shoulder.

ALEX
What's this?  An... angel?

SPARKY
That's my guardian angel.

ALEX
You're joking.

SPARKY
No.  Everyone has a guardian angel.
Even you.  Here.

Sparky takes the pin off his jacket and pins it on
Alex's.

ALEX
I always knew you and Nicole were a
little off the deep end... but
that's alright, I love you guys
anyway.

Alex puts one arm around Sparky's shoulder and
squeezes.  Sparky smiles ruefully and shakes his head.
They both walk by a PANHANDLER, and several yards
later, Sparky slows down and turns Alex around.

SPARKY
Don't you ever wonder about the
thread that connects us all?

ALEX
(doubtfully)
Well, I know you and Nicole and I
have a nice friendship...

SPARKY
Not just us, Alex - everybody.
Like that guy over there.

Sparky walks back over to the panhandler, takes out
some folding money and hands it to the man.  Sparky
SNIFFS the man's breath, looks concerned, and takes out
some more money.

SPARKY
(continuing, to
panhandler)
Do me a favor and get some food
before the next bottle, okay?

PANHANDLER
Okey-doke.  God bless you, sir.

SPARKY
(genuinely touched)
Thank you!  And God bless you, sir.

The panhandler smiles at Sparky, who smiles right back.
Sparky and Alex walk on.  Alex looks baffled, and is a
tad hostile:

ALEX
Why'd you give him money?

SPARKY
(playful)
He believed he needed it.

ALEX
(incredulous)
And you don't need it?

SPARKY
To buy another Rolex?  To get a
twentieth pair of shoes?  You've
been generous in sharing your
profits with me, Alex - I just
wanted to share a little with him.

ALEX
He's only a... (explodes) bum...
who's just going to buy more wine
with it!

SPARKY
But he blessed me.  It felt good.

ALEX
(disgusted)
That was just a reflex with him.

SPARKY
No, it wasn't.  Did you see his
smile?

ALEX
(gives up)
You're absolutely bonkers.  I have
nutso friends!

Sparky sizes up Alex's words, and weighs his own words
carefully:

SPARKY
You know, you might be able to get
some perspective on this life, if
you knew what was going on before.
You should have a past life
regression done.

ALEX
(wary)
What's that?

SPARKY
A hypnotist who's specially trained
can help you find out about your
past life.  They put you in a
trance, and you can regress
backwards in time.

ALEX
To childhood.

SPARKY
And further - you ought to try it
sometime.  It might stand you on
your head.

The camera ZOOMS IN, as Alex's eyes open wide.
MATCH DISSOLVE TO:


ALEX'S MEMORY - CONTINUOUS

He remembers Tarot card #12 - the upside-down man.
After matching a CLOSE-UP of the faces of Alex and the
card image, the camera ZOOMS OUT and ROTATES the card
to show the man in his proper upside-down position.

MATCH DISSOLVE TO:


INT. CAPRICE HARING'S OFFICE - MORNING, TWO DAYS LATER

Alex is lying fully clothed on a couch, and we view him
from directly above the couch.  He appears to be
upside-down, due to the camera POSITION, and his limbs
are arranged exactly like the Tarot card.  His eyes are
closed, but he talks to CAPRICE, a cute woman in her
mid-thirties.  She has hair the color of burnished
copper, and she sits on a chair at the side of the
couch.

CAPRICE
When I count to three, you will
come out of trance, and you will
remember everything.  Do you
understand?

ALEX
(murmurs)
Yes.

CAPRICE
One... Two... Three.  You are now
wide awake, and you're lying on the
couch here in my office.  (pause)
How do you feel?

ALEX
(awake, but slow)
Like I've been on a long trip.

CAPRICE
Well, you were describing a past
life that sounded to me like it
took place in the Middle Ages.
Several hundred years qualifies as
a lengthy journey!

ALEX
Yeah, it all seemed very real.
(shivers)  Hard to believe.  I must
have a pretty active imagination.

She gives him a long look, then hands him a cassette
tape.

CAPRICE
I made a recording of your session,
so you can review it whenever you
want.

ALEX
Thanks, Caprice.

Alex takes a good look at her for the first time, and
likes what he sees.  Caprice notices the gold pin on
his jacket.

CAPRICE
I see you have a guardian angel.

ALEX
A what?  (he follows her gaze)  Oh,
you mean this pin.  (he seizes the
opening)  A good friend of mine
gave it to me, but I don't know
that much about it.  Do you?

CAPRICE
I think it's supposed to represent
a guardian angel sitting on your
shoulder.

ALEX
Guardian angels have always
intrigued me.  Do you think we
could talk about them sometime
say, over dinner?

She smiles at him, and he smiles demurely back, then
looks down at the pin on his lapel.


INT. PASSENGER JET CABIN - NIGHT, TWO WEEKS LATER

Alex looks up from the pin on his lapel and CHUCKLES at
Sparky, who sits in the seat next to him.

ALEX
So it all started with your little
pin.

SPARKY
(sardonic)
I'm glad to see that it's
fulfilling its function.

ALEX
Hey, two weeks with a hot babe, and
nothing but good has happened to
us - it's doing a helluva guard
job.

SPARKY
Who were you in this past life she
uncovered?

ALEX
A monk named Volmar.

SPARKY
A monk?  You?!

ALEX
Hard to figure, eh?  But I guess
there was a lady involved...

SPARKY
Okay...  This sounds more like you.

ALEX
(smiles)
...and it seems that I was taking
down dictation from her.

SPARKY
A man taking dictation from a
woman?  That's unusual - they were
even more sexist than you, back in
the Middle Ages.

ALEX
That's why it seems like a bunch of
crap to me - I've just got an
overheated imagination.

SPARKY
Don't dismiss it completely.  Did
you get any images of the place
where... what's his name... Volmar
lived?

ALEX
(reluctant)
Well, there was this long
building - it might have been a
monastery.  (pause)  Hey, this is
too far out there for me - let's
try to get some sleep.  We're
losing nine hours as it is.

SPARKY
Okay.  Sleep well... Volmar!

Alex POPS him one with a pillow, and they mock-fight
each other, LAUGHING.


ALEX'S JET CABIN DREAM - THREE HOURS LATER

The setting is a grassy hill, a wooded glade, and the
ruins of a religious building.  The roof is missing,
and the rest of the building seems hundreds of years
old.  As we DOLLY into an open doorway, we see the far
wall of the building, standing by itself in the open
air.  In the triangular upper portion of the wall,
there are three windows, also set roughly in a
triangular pattern, except that the top window is
noticeably offset to the right.  The center of the
scene starts to get unbearably bright, and a WOMAN
appears out of the brightness.

WOMAN
Welcome to my country.


INT. PASSENGER JET CABIN - CONTINUOUS

Alex is startled awake.  Sparky smiles expectantly at
him, and hands him a hot, steaming towel.  Alex
groggily takes the towel and wipes his face.

ALEX
Did you say something?

SPARKY
"Welcome to my country!"

ALEX
(yawns)
Boy, I incorporated that right into
the ol' dream factory.  (pauses)
But I saw that monastery building
again... except that this time, it
was hundreds of years old, and
falling down.

SPARKY
(chuckles)
Interesting... but you'd better
buckle up now - we're about to
land.  Erna's promised to meet us
in the old Daimler.


EXT. FRANKFURT AIRPORT PARKING LOT - AN HOUR LATER

A black, shiny Daimler-Benz from the fifties glistens
in the morning sun.  Alex admires the glorious old
tank - it's in perfect condition.  ERNA ZIELER, a
well-preserved woman in her eighties, enjoys
watching Alex's envy play across his face, unconcealed.

ERNA
You can drive it if you want.

ALEX
I'm surprised you drove down here
yourself to meet us.

ERNA
And why wouldn't I pick up my only
grandson and his best friend?

Sparky stands behind Erna, and waves Alex off with much
gesticulating and many contorted facial expressions.

ALEX
Well, I'm honored that you did.
Holy cow, my first visit to
Germany, and I get to drive this
old classic!

They all pile into the car - Sparky helps his
grandmother into the back, and slides in beside her.


INT. DAIMLER - CONTINUOUS

Alex fiddles with a couple of buttons, and finally gets
the car STARTED.  He checks out the radio, and starts
to turn on the short-wave.

ERNA
There's a CD player in the trunk
that will play through that old
thing.  Just push the button over
there.

ALEX
Ah, the wonders of German
technology!

When Alex pushes the button, a strangely familiar MUSIC
wafts in on the wings of angels.  Alex is stunned.

ALEX
(continuing)
Is this Hildegard von Bingen?

ERNA
(pleased)
You know her music? You are in
Hildegard territory now, you know.

ALEX
(even more
thunderstruck)
What do you mean?

ERNA
We can make a small detour and see
the monastery where she was raised.

Alex snaps fully around to look pleadingly at the two
in the back seat.

ALEX
Can we?  Oh, can we?!  Please,
please, please?!!

Erna and Sparky smile at each other, charmed by Alex's
enthusiasm.

SPARKY/ERNA
Of course we can!

ALEX
Ever since I heard her music, I
can't get it out of my head and
it's just...

As Alex turns around to drive out of the airport, he
continues to CHATTER like a monkey on a banana
plantation.  Erna and Sparky are enjoying this
immensely, but nobody can be more excited than Alex.


EXT. DISIBODENBERG MONASTERY - ONE HOUR LATER

Alex is still BUBBLING, as he leads Sparky and Erna
through a leafy glade.  Sparky is helping Erna, but she
seems to be slowing down.  There's a bench by the path,
and the guys sit Erna down - she shoos them off, and
they start walking on, reluctantly at first.

ALEX
Why didn't you tell me before that
Hildegard was a neighbor of your
family?

SPARKY
You never asked.  And since she's
been dead eight hundred years,
she's a pretty quiet neighbor.

ALEX
Sparky, you are one sick puppy.

They CHUCKLE quietly, but when Alex turns to look up
the hill, his mood abruptly turns serious.

SPARKY
Alex, are you okay?

ALEX
I just got an overwhelming feeling
of d j  vu.  (shivers)  It's giving
me chills... look.

Alex holds out his arm, and all the hair is standing on
end.  They continue walking up the hill.

SPARKY
Are you sure you're okay?

They are within sight of the monastery ruins, and Alex
is trying to get his vocal cords to work, but nothing
is coming out.  He is thoroughly unnerved.  Sparky
shakes him a little.

ALEX
That... that's the same building I
dreamed about on the plane.  And
it's deteriorated in exactly the
same way.

Alex starts running toward the building - Sparky walks
behind, watching him pensively.  Alex slows up to go
through an open doorway.  The building has no roof.

ALEX'S P.O.V.

We DOLLY into the open doorway, and we see the far wall
of the building.  The triangular upper portion of the
wall has three windows that look eerily familiar,
because the top window is noticeably offset to the
right.

ANGLE ON SPARKY

As Sparky walks up to the open doorway, he notices that
Alex is standing stock-still a few feet inside the
roofless monastery, staring fixedly upward toward the
exposed far wall.  When Sparky gets to him, he taps
Alex on the shoulder.  Alex still doesn't move, and
Sparky walks around to look at his face.  What Sparky
sees scares the bejesus out of him.  He passes his
hands in front of Alex's eyes, and studies the reaction
of his irises.  Sparky looks around for someone to call
for help.


ALEX'S MONASTERY VISION - CONTINUOUS

The monastery is nine hundred years newer, and it has a
roof now.  The center of the scene gets unbearably
bright, and the same woman from Alex's jet cabin dream
appears out of the brightness.  The details of the
apparition are more exact this time, and we notice the
richness of the woman's vestments.  A large cross hangs
on the front of her black habit, a long cloak just
covers her shoulders, and an odd-shaped wimple on her
head has a circular device on the front, with two
gracefully curving flaps at the sides.  On the woman's
finger, there is a golden ring, inlaid with a white
stone.  The letter "H" is engraved in the stone, with
the vertical portions of the letter curving outward
toward the top and bottom.

WOMAN
Give me life, Volmar.


EXT. DISIBODENBERG MONASTERY - CONTINUOUS

Sparky is still looking around for someone to call for
help, but Alex returns to normal function, starts to
walk back out of the doorway, and grabs Sparky by the
arm.

ALEX
(test pilot bravado)
Let's get back to the car, Sparky
I think I've got me a touch of that
there jet lag.

Sparky stops him, and pulls Alex around so they're
face-to-face.

SPARKY
Jet lag?  Are you kidding?  You
were gone, Alex.  Your pupils were
pinpoints, and you were standing
like a statue!

Alex pulls away, and continues walking down the path.
We can see that he's desperately trying to collect his
thoughts.

SPARKY
(continuing)
Alex, what's wrong?  (pause,
softer)  What did you see?

ALEX
(yelling)
Look, Sparky, there's nothing
wrong, okay?  We left your sick
grandmother piled on that bench
like a sack of potatoes.  Let's go
see if she's still upright!

Alex marches resolutely on.  Sparky hesitantly follows.
A few steps later, Alex looks back, contrite.

ALEX
(continuing)
I'm sorry, Sparky.  I don't know
what happened.  It scared the shit
out of me, but I'm okay now.  Let's
not worry Erna, alright?  She needs
our attention focused on her.

Alex tentatively offers his arms for a hug, and they
stiffly embrace.  Alex is trembling, and Sparky is
conflicted between worry and stifled curiosity.


INT. ERNA'S LIVING ROOM - NEXT MORNING

Alex and Sparky sit on a couch in a room filled with
exotic objects - a trunk from Bali, carved masks from
Africa, pictures of Erna as a young and beautiful
woman - all in all, the mementoes of a life well-lived.
And well-traveled.  Erna sits in a large chair opposite
the guys, studying several books in her lap.  MUSIC
fills the air - it's Hildegard, of course, and this
piece combines a lilting voice singing above the steady
monotone produced by a medieval instrument.

ALEX
Sparky, I don't know about you, but
a quick eighteen-hour nap leaves me
feeling quite invigorated.

SPARKY
We thought we'd have to send for
the charming prince to come and
kiss you awake!

ALEX
(sotto)
Yeah?  Kiss this, Fuzzball.

Alex ruffles Sparky's still-frizzy hair, Sparky makes
KISSING noises, and they both CACKLE good-naturedly.

SPARKY
(louder)
Are you ready for your first
Hildegard seminar?  I think Erna is
prepared to answer any questions.

ERNA
(looking up)
You know, Hildegard felt that a
steady musical tone like this
enhanced the holiness of the words,
when they were combined.

SPARKY
It's supposed to arouse sympathetic
vibrations in the body of the
listener.

Alex looks at Sparky in surprise.

ERNA
And it allowed the sense of the
words to enter directly into the
soul.

ALEX
You both seem to know a lot about
Hildegard.

SPARKY
My parents were medieval scholars
we moved to this area just so they
could do more intensive research on
her.  I didn't inherit their
obsession, but I absorbed some
trivia over the dinner table.

ERNA
And when I came to raise Lars after
the accident, I became fascinated
with Hildegard.  She's regarded as
a saint in Germany, even though the
Church never canonized her.

Alex reads from a CD booklet:

ALEX
Why did she call herself a "feather
on the breath of God"?

ERNA
She didn't consider herself to be a
scholar, and yet she wrote
extensively - prose, poetry, and
music.  (gestures)  She claimed it
mostly came to her in visions, so
she felt she was just a mouthpiece
for the Divine Will.

ALEX
A feather on the breath of God.
(marveling)  That's beautiful.

SPARKY
Didn't she have her first vision
when she was about three?

ERNA
Yes, but she didn't write anything
until later in life, when she felt
the courage to start recording her
visions.

ALEX
How old was she then?

Erna consults one of the books in her lap.

ERNA
She says it was in the seventh
month of her forty-second year.

SPARKY
(whispers to Alex)
When do you turn forty-three?

ALEX
(mutters back)
End of the year.

Alex, puzzled, does a double-take, and Sparky nods
meaningfully.  Erna doesn't hear the byplay, and
continues to read from the book.

ERNA
It says here that she wrote for
thirty years by dictating to one
monk.

ALEX
(strangled)
Does it say what his name was?

Alex and Sparky both lean forward, apprehensive of her
next words.

ERNA
Er... Volmar.

Alex and Sparky look at each other, completely
nonplussed.


EXT. EIBINGEN PARISH CHURCH - AN HOUR LATER

Alex, Sparky and Erna, on Sparky's arm, walk into the
church.  Sparky is wearing a small knapsack.  We TILT
UP to frame a sculpted statue of Hildegard, set into
the corner of the building.


INT. EIBINGEN PARISH CHURCH - CONTINUOUS

There's a CHOIR practicing at the altar, and the MUSIC
continues throughout the scene.  Alex, Sparky and Erna
enter, and speak in HUSHED TONES.  During the
conversation, the three walk around the interior of the
church and point out interesting little details to each
other.  None of these details is ever commented on,
except as noted in the dialogue.  However, at one
point, there's an embossed golden box set into the wall
of the church, and the camera LINGERS on it long enough
for the image to be remembered.

ERNA
Music in the middle ages was more
meaningful to the listener than it
is today.

ALEX
What do you mean?
ERNA
There were three levels of
harmony

SPARKY
(guessing)
The harmony of the instruments?

ERNA
Yes, and singing, or the harmony
between body and soul...

ALEX
I can't think of a third one.

ERNA
That's because it's not one that
the modern age recognizes - it was
the harmony of the elements, the
spheres and the seasons.  A
medieval person experienced music
with the sure knowledge that
everything under the sun was in
tune with it.  It was a gift from
the Creator, and there was a lot of
sensory crossover - hearing colors,
tasting sounds, that sort of thing.

ALEX
(mumbles to Sparky)
I had an LSD trip like that.

Sparky muffles a LAUGH.

ERNA
What did you say?

ALEX
I said, uh... I'd like to see an
example of that.

Erna looks around the church, and points toward the top
of one wall.  A gargoyle sits there, with his mouth
wide open.

ERNA
A medieval person might look at
that little guy and actually hear
him shouting.

ALEX
Quiet up there!

The three of them LAUGH, then look around at the choir
guiltily.

SPARKY
Don't some scholars think
Hildegard's visions were actually a
form of migraine headache?

ERNA
Ah, yes - the "scintillating
scotomata" theory.

ALEX
The sin-eating what?

ERNA
(laughing)
There are a couple of illustrations
of her visions that resemble the
scintillating scotomata that
sometime come with a migraine.
When you were a child, did you ever
press on the outside of your
eyelids to get "shooting stars"?

ALEX
Shucks, I still do that.

Alex and Sparky close their eyes and press on the lids.

ALEX
Groovy.

SPARKY
Far out, man.

Erna CHUCKLES at the goofiness of the two bozos.  They
are a fresh breeze in her life, and the outing is doing
her wonders.  She stops to remove a book from the small
knapsack that Sparky is wearing - it's one of the books
she had in her living room.  She riffles through the
pages, then shows Alex an ancient drawing.  After
pressing his eyelids again, he looks at the book.

ERNA
There - does it look like that?

ALEX
Exactly.  That's spooky.

ERNA
But you have to remember that
Hildegard didn't draw any of these
pictures - they were second-hand
renderings by other artists.  The
only person who really knows what
they see is the one who has the
vision.

Sparky looks hard at Alex, who becomes discomfited and
changes the subject.

ALEX
So tell me about those eleven
thousand virgins!

SPARKY
(laughing)
I knew you'd bring that up again.

ERNA
Hildegard wrote a lot of music
about Saint Ursula and the Eleven
Thousand Virgins.  The official
story is that this astonishing
number of young women became
martyrs while on a pilgrimage.
It's a sad story, but we know now
that it was a copyist's error that
made eleven women into eleven
thousand.

Alex stops to point out a stained glass window to
Sparky, while Erna strolls ahead to look at some tiles.
When she's out of earshot, Alex whispers to Sparky:

ALEX
I knew there couldn't be that many
virgins in one place.

SPARKY
Well, remember that it was well
before you came along, Alex.

Alex concedes the point with a shrug, and they walk to
catch up with Erna.

ALEX
How did Hildegard first hear about
Saint Ursula?

ERNA
She had visions of Ursula, but it
also could have been the relics.

ALEX
Relics?

SPARKY
The mortal remains of a holy person
were considered to be powerful
objects, so they actually broke up
the bodies and distributed the
various pieces all over the known
world.  Hildegard's monastery had a
chunk of Ursula, known as her
relics.

They silently walk out of the church.  Alex looks a
little queasy.


EXT. EIBINGEN PARISH CHURCH - CONTINUOUS

The three walk into the sunshine.  Alex takes a deep
breath.

ALEX
You know, I think I'll be skipping
lunch today.

SPARKY
It makes you wonder if the medieval
church was any more enlightened
than the pagans they condemned.

ERNA
Did you two see that beautifully
embossed golden box inside?

ALEX/SPARKY
Yes?

ERNA
That was their reliquary - it
contains the relics of Hildegard.
They have her heart and her tongue.

Alex and Sparky look downright nauseous.

SPARKY
I'll be skipping both lunch and
dinner today.

ALEX
I'm never eating again.  (pause)
Her tongue?

The guys extend their tongues and look skeptically down
their noses at them.  Erna LAUGHS at their antics, and
after much pulling on tongues, grotesque faces, etc.,
they're all BREAKING UP.


EXT. ST. RUPERTSBERG ABBEY - LATER THAT DAY

Sparky and Alex look down from the top of a hill that
has an idyllic view of the Rhine, beyond a heavily
wooded area.  This locale has a lighter feeling than
the earlier Disibodenberg monastery.  The sun is about
to set and a peaceful mood hovers over the two men.

SPARKY
Ten years after she started
writing, Hildegard founded an abbey
here, and later, one across the
river, over there.

ALEX
So I guess old Volmar must have
been here with her.

Sparky chooses his next words delicately:

SPARKY
Our friend Gianni in Milan once
told me about a strange trance that
came over some American and
Canadian women, when they first
visited Venice.

ALEX
Oh?

SPARKY
They said it felt like they were
traveling back through time.  The
doctors couldn't explain it.  It
might have been due to the fact
that there was a lot more history
facing those women than they were
used to back home.  They call it
the Stendhal Syndrome.

SILENCE nestles in amongst the trees.

ALEX
Let me get this straight - you
think my... experience at the
monastery was like the... swooning
of some... provincial, fat-assed
women from... (spits it out) Kansas
and Saskatchewan?

SPARKY
Alex...

ALEX
Oh, you're definitely on the wrong
track here, bucko.  I've seen my
share of your precious European
history, and most of it should have
been paved over long ago.

SPARKY
Alex, you're being an asshole.

Alex considers this thoughtfully.  After a few seconds,
he decides he wants to save face, but he's being grumpy
about it.

ALEX
Maybe.  But Stendhal definitely
wasn't Italian.

SPARKY
No.  (relieved)  He was a French
author, but he felt more at home in
Italy.  I guess he wanted to be
Italian.

ALEX
Don't we all?

SPARKY
Not on an evening like this.

ALEX
Dammit, you're right again.  I hate
that about you.

They CHUCKLE, and the tension is eased somewhat.

SPARKY
Erna liked our little tour this
morning.

ALEX
So did I.  Except for the tongue.

They both stick out their tongues with distaste and
SNICKER.
SPARKY
Her mornings seem to be better than
her afternoons.

ALEX
Yeah.  I'm glad she stayed at home
for a nap.

SILENCE again intrudes, and Alex makes up his mind.

ALEX
(continuing, flat)
I saw Hildegard at the monastery
yesterday.

SPARKY
Oh?

ALEX
(in a rush)
The monastery was still fairly new,
and it had a roof on it, and she
said "Give me life, Volmar".  It
was real bright, and I don't know
what she meant, and I'm still
scared shitless.

Alex has discharged a lot of energy with this speech.
He paces nervously, rotating his neck to get the kinks
out, and his body shakes sporadically and
spasmodically.  Sparky catches up to him, and starts
kneading his neck.

SPARKY
It's okay.  Maybe it was just a
vision.

Alex stops walking and stares at Sparky in disbelief.
When he finally speaks, he's nearly ranting:

ALEX
Just a vision?  JUST a vision?!
You crazy bastard!  Maybe you JUST
popped the cherries on eleven
thousand virgins, but I did not
have JUST a vision!  I may have had
a Vision, with a capital "V".  Or,
I may have had a Vision, Pluck My
Eyes Out.  Or, I may have had a
Vision, Halle-Fucking-lujah.  But I
certainly did not have JUST a
vision!!

Sparky waits to allow all this to sink in.  Then he
deadpans:

SPARKY
At least you're adjusting to it
well.

Alex's mouth drops open; he HOWLS with laughter like
he'll never get to laugh again, and he's got to cram it
all into this one last laugh.  Sparky joins in, and
quickly catches up in sheer laugh horsepower.  They
take their sweet time to finish, wipe their eyes, and
LAUGH some more.


INT. MAINZ HOSPITAL ROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT

Erna is lying with her eyes closed; there's a slight
deformation of one side of her face, and she's hooked
up to monitors.  Alex stands at the end of the bed, and
Sparky sits at her side.

ALEX
You two have always had impeccable
language manners with me...

SPARKY
What do you mean, language manners?

ALEX
Whenever I walk into the room, you
always switch to English.  And I
appreciate the effort, but if it's
easier for Erna to speak German
when she wakes up, you can always
translate the important stuff.

SPARKY
But we don't speak German with each
other.

ALEX
Wait a minute - this is Germany,
isn't it?

SPARKY
(amused)
Yes, but she's a Dane.  We speak
Danish with each other.

ALEX
You never told me.

Erna opens her eyes, and they're twinkling, but her
speech is slightly slurred:

ERNA
You mean he never mentioned our
native language over coffee?  After
all, the two go together.

ALEX
(surprised and
confused)
Coffee and... Danish?!

Alex walks to the head of the bed and shakes a finger
at her, then kisses her cheek.

ALEX
(continuing)
That extraordinary mind in there
hasn't lost a step - and we thought
you were asleep!

ERNA
Just resting - this old body is...
how do you say it in America?...
pooping out on me.

SPARKY
You'll be feeling better in no
time, Erna.

ERNA
No, I don't think so, Lars.  You're
going to have to let me go, soon.

ALEX
But lots of people recover from
strokes.

ERNA
Alex, the stroke was just a gentle
reminder - do you think I enjoy
staying in this body, lying in bed
while you two get to go running all
around the countryside?

ALEX
But...

ERNA
(firmly)
No, Alex - you don't need to cheer
me up, I'm not being morbid.  I
just want you and Lars to be ready
to let my spirit go, when the time
comes.  This body has served me
well, and I've had a great time on
this planet, but everyone has to
go, and my time is short.

The guys don't know what to say.

ERNA
(continuing)
But enough of that - I'm not gone
yet.  I heard you two talking about
Alex's vision - that's a
significant sign, Alex.

ALEX
Boy, you don't miss anything...

ERNA
That's the one advantage to being
old and sick - you can eavesdrop on
lots of juicy conversations and
no-one suspects.  For instance, a
little while ago, the blonde nurse
said to the brunette that she
thought Lars was adorable.

SPARKY
Erna!

ERNA
Alex, do you think you will write
anything about your experiences
over here?

ALEX
That's a... wonderful idea!

ERNA
It would be a great honor if you
would write a little something
about me.

ALEX
I'd be proud to do that - and I'll
try to do a good job.

ERNA
I'm sure you will - it's a way of
giving me a new life here on
Earth - a life on the printed page.

Alex CHOKES UP.

SPARKY
It's going to be awfully lonely if
you leave, Erna.

ERNA
Not when you make friends with that
blonde nurse.

The guys LAUGH with her through their sadness.  Erna's
BREATHING becomes labored.

ALEX
(sobs)
Erna!

ERNA
(whispering)
Stop that.  I have a last piece of
advice, if you two want it.

SPARKY
(shakes his head in
amazement)
Of course we do, Erna.

ERNA
(slowly)
Always remember... that you...
create your own life... so don't
settle... for anything less... than
exactly what's right.

She stops BREATHING.  After a few seconds, Sparky
closes her eyes.  Two NURSES rush in somewhat later,
but Sparky and Alex are already mournfully walking out,
their arms around each other's shoulders.


INT. ERNA'S LIVING ROOM - TWO DAYS LATER

Sparky, in a black suit, is sorting through bric-a-brac
in the Balinese trunk.  Alex walks into the room,
similarly attired, carrying a suitcase.  He sits down
next to Sparky.

SPARKY
First it was my parents' house,
then it was Erna's, and now I guess
it's mine.

ALEX
Will you stay here?

SPARKY
I don't know if I'll be coming back
to run the San Francisco store very
soon, if that's what you mean.

ALEX
No, that's not it at all.  The
business shouldn't concern you in
the least right now.

SPARKY
But it should concern you.  Thank
you for staying through the
funeral.

They embrace warmly.

ALEX
Are you going to be all right?

SPARKY
Of course.  Erna raised me with a
healthy attitude toward death.
I'll miss her, but I know that her
soul still exists somewhere.

ALEX
I still don't know what to make of
that last night in the hospital.

SPARKY
That was Erna's way of making a
good death.  She left us both with
something that will make our lives
richer.

ALEX
What's that?

SPARKY
A clearer knowledge of what that
last stage is all about.  I think a
lot of people who fear death are
afraid only because they regret
that they haven't lived their lives
fully.  They don't understand we
can choose to muddle through our
lives, accepting whatever little
crumbs fall in our paths, or we can
demand the whole cookie.

ALEX
And if we've lived a life full of
crumbs?

SPARKY
Then we'll whine for the cookie at
exactly the wrong time - when we're
supposed to get ready to leave the
cookie-eating to those with a
hearty appetite.

ALEX
So you're saying that life is like
a box of Oreos?

SPARKY
Yup!  And you can gobble them down
whole, or lick out the white
centers first.  However you choose
to do it, you have to make sure you
enjoy the cookies you get, while
you're still able to.  Erna's box
of Oreos was emptying out, and she
knew it.  She was trying to tell us
that she had a full tummy, and not
to feel sorry for her.  She savored
those Oreos, right up to the very
end.

ALEX
I thought I saw a few black-and-white
tidbits on her hospital bed.

They CHUCKLE, they LAUGH, they CHOKE UP, they SOB, they
hug each other and PAT each other's back.  Sparky
stands up to get some tissues.

SPARKY
We'd better get you to the airport.
I think Godot is waiting for you,
back in the States.

ALEX
You believe those shirts will sell,
huh?

SPARKY
Hey, you saw the response...

ALEX
You're right again.  (pause)  Do
you really think I had a vision?

SPARKY
(seriously)
Both Erna and I were convinced.

ALEX
So what does that mean?

SPARKY
It's hard to know.  It seems
obvious that Hildegard is trying to
communicate with you.

ALEX
Oh, come on, Sparky.

SPARKY
Think about this for a minute - why
were you so attracted to her music
at first?

ALEX
It... sounded interesting.

SPARKY
Why did you come to Germany?

ALEX
Because... of you and Erna.

SPARKY
Why were you so hot to go to the
monastery?

ALEX
Because... of... the music?
SPARKY
Alex, all of these things are
related, as well as the guardian
angel, Caprice, your experience
under hypnosis, and your dream on
the plane.  You just don't want to
acknowledge the connections in your
life.

ALEX
But... that would mean... that
everything in my life is connected.

SPARKY
Exactly.  And everything you see,
and feel, and touch.  There's a
music that you're just beginning to
hear, and you don't want to dance
to it.  But every now and then, you
look down, you see your feet
tapping, and it terrifies you.

Alex has been nervously jiggling his foot; he glances
down and stops it, with a HUFF.  Sparky CHUCKLES.

SPARKY
(continuing)
Look, you should just let the music
come into your life, in whatever
form it takes, and see where the
dance leads you.


INT. L.A. DANCE CLUB - EVENING, TWO DAYS LATER

In a CLOSE-UP of the bar surface, two pub-mat-type
coasters are slapped down - embossed on them, in Gothic
lettering, is "The Last Chants Saloon".  Heavy bass
MUSIC throbs - it might resemble Enigma's Violent U.S.
Mix of "Sadeness, Part I" - which has some yelling and
Gregorian chanting, blended with a driving dance beat.
The general effect is disconcerting, yet somehow...
seductive, in a decadent way.  As the camera WIDENS
OUT, two drinks are placed on the coasters by a
heavily-tattooed BARTENDER dressed in some sort of
leather harness/thong contraption.  His nipples are
pierced, and a heavy chain hangs between them.  Other
parts of his body are pierced, and we WIDEN OUT further
to see Alex and his friend JOHN DENSMORE.  John's an
extrovert with a Fu Manchu moustache, goatee, and long
black hair.  Alex and John look slightly out of place
in this club, due to everyone else's aggressive
rejection of mainstream conventions.  The tattoo- and
body-piercing-quotients are very high, and most of the
hair colors are not hues that are normally found in
nature.  Leather and latex are the body coverings of
choice, although very little skin is actually
concealed.  The orientation of the club seems to be...
homosexual?... bisexual?  Maybe omnisexual would be a
more accurate word.  PEOPLE of all genders and
persuasions are rubbing up against each other, and the
overall impression is probably similar to that of
Berlin under Hitler, Rome under Caligula, or Sodom
under Gomorrah.  You can't help wondering if all these
people weren't the same types who had a lot of trouble
in high school.  Let your imagination run wild with
this one, or maybe let the Production Designer's
creativity kick in; s/he will probably have more of a
feel for this milieu than the two of us put together.

ALEX
John, why did you want me to meet
you here?

JOHN
It's halfway between our two
houses.  Plus, I wanted to give you
your mail.

ALEX
Thanks for picking it up for me.

JOHN
Besides, here you can really get
the feeling that we're all doomed.
It's my kind o' place.

ALEX
Don't tell me you're still on that
millennium/end-of-the-world kick?
JOHN
Hey, you'd better party between now
and 1999, because there ain't gonna
be any place to party after that.

ALEX
Yeah, right.

JOHN
It's just a symptom of our epoch
people go nuts at the end of every
century.  But this is the Big One
coming up - it's the end of the
whole stinkin' millennium.  So it
stands to reason that places like
this would have a finger on the
pulse of the era.

ALEX
That guy over there has his finger
on something...

JOHN
...and now it's up something...

ALEX
You're disgusting.

JOHN
Me?  It's him (pointing) that's...

ALEX
Okay, enough, enough.

Alex looks through his mail, selects an envelope, and
opens it.  Inside is a greeting card bearing a picture
of Tarot card #2 - the High Priestess.  The image looks
familiar, with a cross on the front of her habit, a
long cloak just covering her shoulders, and an
odd-shaped wimple that has a circular device on
the front and curving flaps at the sides of the head.

SUPERIMPOSE ALEX'S MEMORY - CONTINUOUS

The woman from Alex's monastery vision, who is also the
same woman from his jet cabin dream, overlays the image
of the woman on the Tarot card, in a ghostly way.  The
match between the two women is striking.

LOSE SUPER

And we're fully back to the dance club, still looking
at the greeting card with the High Priestess on it.
Alex peers inside the card to see who it's from, and
John notices his rapt preoccupation.

JOHN
Bad news?

ALEX
No... it seems that Nicole had a
premonition that this Tarot card
image would be meaningful to me.

JOHN
And is it?

ALEX
Well... I actually... saw someone
who looked like this when I was in
Germany.

JOHN
(peeks at card)
Hanging out in all the hot spots,
eh?

The MUSIC gradually segues into a pounding dance
version of one of Hildegard's songs.  Alex is startled,
and looks closely at the Tarot card image in his hand.

ALEX
Sparky said you should just let the
music come into your life, in
whatever form, and see where the
dance leads you.

ANGELYNE (O.S.)
Hey, cutie pie, wanna dance?

The guys look up from the Tarot card image and see a
phenomenally well-shaped, hard-as-nails WOMAN standing
in front of them.  ANGELYNE wears a circle-front wimple
with side flaps, and is obviously going for the look of
a nun - with a decided twist.  As we TILT DOWN from her
head to her body, we notice that instead of a black
nun's habit, she has donned skin-tight black leather
with lots of randomly-placed zippers.  She has a cloak
which partially covers the leather, and there's a large
cross dangling between her two huge, rounded bosoms.
As the guys scan the zipper-encrusted leather, she
nonchalantly parts the cloak to reveal that two of the
zippers have been impudently unzipped to allow two
thumb-sized erect nipples to be exposed.  Our two
heroes look like they'll have to retrieve their jaws
from the floor, but John struggles to rise to the
occasion:

JOHN
Well, since my friend doesn't
dance, I'll have to fill in for
him.

John offers his arm to Angelyne, and Alex watches the
two of them dance out to the middle of the floor.

ALEX
(to himself)
There but for the grace of God, go
I.

After a minute of looking at the Tarot greeting card,
Alex gathers up his mail and walks over to John on the
dance floor.  Alex pulls him aside, while Angelyne's
brown, thumb-like nipples continue to bounce and
gyrate.

ALEX
(continuing, to
John)
I gotta get out of here.  I'm
feeling like I need to... clean up.


INT. CALISTOGA MUD BATHS - NEXT AFTERNOON

Alex and Nicole sit facing forward in adjoining mud
bath compartments, up to their necks in brown goo.
Nicole's eyes are closed, and both she and Alex look
very relaxed; after a few seconds, Nicole gets up the
energy to speak:

NICOLE
So the High Priestess Tarot card
reminded you of someone?

ALEX
Yeah, she keeps popping up in my
life, in one form or another.

He sticks his thumbs up through the surface of the
brown mud, gyrates them and studies the effect
intently.

NICOLE
I needed this - my muscles were
begging for a break.

ALEX
Is the massage business wearing you
out?

NICOLE
No, I love it.  But I haven't had a
massage myself in over three weeks.
This is the next best thing.

Alex thinks a bit, then turns his head toward Nicole.

ALEX
What if a character from one of
your past lives asked you to give
them life?  How would you interpret
that?

NICOLE
I've never had a past-life
regression done.  (pause)  Someone
asked you to give them life?

ALEX
...Yeah.

NICOLE
You had a dream about this person?

ALEX
...sort of... yeah.

NICOLE
Well, you can keep a person's
memory alive by talking about them,
or having a memorial service... or
maybe writing about them.

ALEX
Writing about them... that might do
it...  I'll write about... them.

NICOLE
I thought you were very skeptical
about the whole past-life business.

ALEX
(faraway look)
You know, I can't say that I'm a
wholehearted believer, but there
are just too many coincidences to
ignore.  I feel like I've got to...
do something.

NICOLE
Good luck.  (pause)  Is Sparky
coming back?

ALEX
I don't know.  Sooner or later I've
got to check on the San Francisco
store and make sure everything's
running smoothly.

Nicole opens her eyes, surprised.

NICOLE
You haven't been over there yet?

ALEX
No.  I had to talk to you, first...

NICOLE
(warning)
Alex...

ALEX
No, Nicole, I won't bug you
anymore - but when you sent me that
card, I had to find out where the
image came from.

NICOLE
As I said, it just showed up in a
prominent position when I dealt the
Tarot cards.

Alex shifts around in the mud.

ALEX
I felt like I was a wet watermelon
seed when I was in Germany.

NICOLE
What?

ALEX
Something started squeezing me
between its thumb and forefinger,
and out I popped, going a zillion
miles an hour.  I have no idea
where I'm going... but I'm making
great time getting there.

NICOLE
Are you aware that I'm a champion
watermelon-seed snapper?

ALEX
No way!  I can beat you any day.

NICOLE
I've got some watermelon at home
I challenge you.
ALEX
You're on.


INT. HSI LAI BUDDHIST TEMPLE, L.A. - TWO DAYS LATER

Alex and Caprice wander tentatively into the
entranceway of the largest Buddhist temple in the
western hemisphere, right in Hacienda Heights.
Thousands of four-inch statues of the Buddha are inset
in the walls, up to a thirty-foot ceiling.  Each has
its own little enclosure - tiny walls, ceiling and
floor.  Most of them have twenty-five-cent coins
balanced on their interlaced hands, and the coins are
leaned back against their stomachs.  The furnishings at
the front of the temple look sumptuous - lots of gold
leaf and crystal.  Several rows of plush kneelers line
the floor.  Alex and Caprice are the only ones inside
at the moment.

CAPRICE
(ironic)
So you rushed right back to see me?

ALEX
Well... I had to... check on the
San Francisco store.

CAPRICE
And how's it doing?

ALEX
I really don't give a flying fuck.
It hasn't burned down.  My mind is
on other things at the moment.

CAPRICE
(surprised)
Like what?

ALEX
Like how did they get those
quarters all the way up there?

Caprice TITTERS, takes a quarter out of her purse, and
pretends she's going to toss it up thirty feet.

CAPRICE
I think this is one of the skills
you have to develop to become a
Buddhist.

It's Alex's turn to LAUGH.

ALEX
Now you're being sacrilegious.  The
karma police will be forced to give
you a ticket.

CAPRICE
I can get it fixed - I know some
powerful people.

ALEX
Yeah?  Like who?

CAPRICE
When you do past life regressions,
you meet lotsa major bigshots.
(pause)  So, what's really
bothering you?

She moves in to put an arm around him, and he
reciprocates, absent-mindedly.

ALEX
(hesitantly)
How can I... best honor a
nine-hundred-year-old woman?

CAPRICE
(playfully)
You're making me jealous!

ALEX
(serious)
Caprice, I had an... experience...
in Germany.  I feel like it's
changing the whole direction of my
life.

CAPRICE
You got a Postcard From The
Universe, huh?

ALEX
Postcard From The Universe?

CAPRICE
A friend of mine calls it that - it
can take many forms, but when a
message drops out of the blue, and
gives you some valuable insight or
information that you didn't have
before, that's a Postcard.

ALEX
(brightens)
That's an interesting way of
putting it - I got a Postcard From
The Universe, but... I'm still
trying to figure out who or what
sent it.

CAPRICE
Did it have anything to do with
Erna?

ALEX
Well, she taught me things I needed
to know, and she gave me a new
perspective, but... look, I'm
hungry - let's go get something to
eat, and I'll tell you on the way.


EXT. TAIL O' THE PUP, L.A. - FORTY-FIVE MINUTES LATER

This hot dog stand is an example of programatic
architecture at its finest - you can step up to a small
building that's shaped like a hot dog on a bun, and
order a hot dog on a bun to eat.  Alex SLURPS the extra
fixin's off a wienie, and Caprice LAUGHS as she bites
into her dog, and it SPRAYS mustard and relish onto his
shoe.

ALEX
From the sublime to the
ridiculous - when you said you'd
take me on an architecture tour, I
assumed we'd be seeing something
like a Frank Lloyd Wright house.

CAPRICE
I'm taking you to the Watts Towers
next.  Wait'll you get an eyeful of
them.  (pause)  Do you know how a
Zen Buddhist orders a hot dog?

ALEX
No, how?

CAPRICE
One, with everything!

ALEX
(laughs)
You're as bad as Sparky... come to
think of it, I should put that on a
teeshirt.  He would.

CAPRICE
I'll expect a royalty.  (pause)  So
you're going to write about
Hildegard.  That makes sense.

ALEX
I just wish I could be sure that
I'm headed in the right direction.

CAPRICE
Well... there's this channeler I go
to who might be able to give you
some advice.  (pause)  She's a
walk-in.

ALEX
A what?

CAPRICE
The person who was in this body
died, but at the moment of death,
Virella took over the body.  It was
all pre-arranged, and now Virella
channels Setlak, one of her
colleagues from the Higher Planes.

Through this little speech, Alex's eyes have glazed
over, and he's backing away from Caprice.

CAPRICE
(continuing)
Hey, for someone who had a tˆte-…-tˆte
with Hildegard von Bingen, you
shouldn't be so judgmental.

Alex furrows his brows, deep in thought, and then nods.

ALEX
Maybe you're right... maybe you're
right.


INT. BARNEY'S BEANERY, L.A. - A WEEK LATER

Alex and John sit drinking beer at the bar in this
grungy old landmark.  Hundreds of automobile license
plates are arrayed on the low-hanging ceiling, and
newspaper clippings, brewery paraphernalia, and
memorabilia from nearly seven decades festoon the
walls.  It's a dive, but it's a self-respecting dive,
with an aura of history, and that makes all the
difference.  We can glimpse chopped Harleys lining the
curb outside the grimy windows, but it's a toss-up as
to whether they belong to the HELL'S ANGELS, or to the
YUPPIE LAWYERS who are just doing a little weekend
slumming.  Both types are represented at the bar - the
lawyers are the ones who look nastiest.  Our boys are
half in the bag, and John's enumerating his
conversational points on his fingers:

JOHN
Alright, you've got your Famine
that would be at my house just
before payday.  You've got your
Pestilence - that would either be
the killer bees, or those yuppie
lawyers over there.  You've got
your Destruction, of which we have
several choices - mudslides,
brushfires, earthquakes or whenever
I start throwing things at the cat.
And to top off the Four...
Jockeys...

ALEX
...Horsemen, John - it's the Four
Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

JOHN
You say potayto, I say potahto.  So
the last Jockey is Death - the big
guy himself.  You ever watch that
cable news channel?  They got
twenty-four-hour-a-day Death on
there.  It's gotten so thick, I've
started to see a certain... beauty
in it.

ALEX
Beauty?  You're deranged.

JOHN
I have a videotape collection of
Death's Greatest Hits - the most
outrageous ways to die that were
ever broadcast into my home.

ALEX
And how long have you been
collecting these... treasures?

JOHN
A couple of years now.  These are
the Last Days, Alex.  Nostradamus
predicted it, all those
televangelists are saying it, and
my landlord is nailing it on my
door.
(MORE)

JOHN (CONT'D)
The way I see it, with all these
reputable authority figures telling
us to panic, why hold it in any
longer?  We might just as well
scream our guts out until 1999
brings it all to an end.

ALEX
The world won't be here in 2000?

JOHN
Well, technically, the millennium
will come to an end in December of
2000.  You see, the first year
after Christ's birth wasn't the
year zero, it was the year one - so
twenty centuries later will be when
a year ending in zero turns into a
year ending in one.

ALEX
But you've always said that 1999
will end it.

JOHN
And I stand behind that.  The
French agree with me.

ALEX
Then you have obstinate
self-righteousness on your side.

JOHN
How is Nicole?  Never mind.  The
French have got an atomic clock at
the Pompidou Center that's counting
out the seconds until the end of
1999.  And if it's good enough for
those wacky French, it's good
enough for me.

ALEX
I'll drink to that.

JOHN
Pompeeeedoooo... Popeyedoodledoo...
That is a choice word for when
you're out beer-drinking.  But back
to the calendar - you know, you
gotta wonder about all that fucking
around that Pope Gregory did in...
(counts on his fingers) ...1582.

ALEX
Who was he fucking around with?

JOHN
Fucking around with the calendar,
Alex... stick with the program,
guy.  In 1582, Thursday, October 4
was immediately followed by Friday,
October 15.

ALEX
You're kidding.  So they lost
like... (computing blearily)
nineteen days that month?

JOHN
Close enough.  Can you imagine
paying the rent again two weeks
after you'd just paid it?!

ALEX
Wow.

JOHN
"Wow" doesn't even begin to cover
it.

ALEX
So you think 1999's going to be the
big year?

Prince's hit song "1999" just happens to be PLAYING on
the jukebox at this very moment.  Can you believe it?
I'm flabbergasted myself.

JOHN
My man Prince, or whatever his name
is now, said it best... (sings
along) "tonight I'm gonna party
like it's 1999".

The temptation to play the air guitar is too great for
John, and as he cavorts around, Alex picks up a
newspaper lying on the bar, and peruses the bottom of
the page.

ALEX
Hey, check this out... (quotes)
"scientists now believe Christ was
born seven to nine years earlier
than was formerly suspected".

JOHN
Gimme that.  (reads)  Suspected?!
They're supposed to be sure about
this kinda shit!  That's why
they're scientists, fer Chrissake.
(ponders)  So if Christ really was
born in 7 B.C. or earlier...

Alex checks his watch and TAPS it.

ALEX
...by my calculation, that would
make him slightly over two thousand
years old.

JOHN
(thinks)
Hey, wait a minute, this throws the
whole deal off.  The real
millennium has already come and
gone.

ALEX
Bummer.

John drops the newspaper, sits comatose for several
seconds, then suddenly grabs for the newspaper again.

JOHN
They got free personal ads in here,
right?
ALEX
(dumbfounded)
Wait a minute - the world's not
coming to an end, so you're...

JOHN
...going babe-shopping.  Here, help
me design an ad - "single white
male, handsome, prosperous,
upbeat"...

ALEX
How about "butt-ugly, barely
solvent and manic-depressive"...

JOHN
Are you friend or foe?

John points a finger at Alex, pretending it's a gun.
Alex raises one hand in the air and puts the other flat
on top of John's finger, pretending it's a Bible.

ALEX
I'd rather not perjure myself,
Your Honor.

JOHN
As the Inquisition's official
Persecutor, it's my duty to inform
you that you've been convicted by
the Bar Association (sweeping
gesture) ...the Defendant is next
in line for a caning.

ALEX
As long as they don't cut off my
wee-wee.

JOHN
Don't worry - that only happens
when you're married.

ALEX
You're telling me?

JOHN
Sorry.  Lost track of the players
that's what I get for not investing
in a scorecard.

ALEX
And just when your team's coming up
to bat.

Four HELL'S ANGELS are walking over, behind John's
back - they're scruffy, with shoulder-length hair,
ratty beards, dark sunglasses, and thick necks.

FIRST ANGEL
Did we hear you guys making cracks
about "yuppie lawyers"?

There's a horrible STILLNESS, which stretches out
painfully.  Alex and John are sobering up quickly,
right in front of our eyes.  Alex finally breaks the
silence:

ALEX
Buy you a drink, counselor?

The Angels hesitate a beat, then ROAR with laughter.
They SLAP Alex and John on the back, and order beers
for our doughty stalwarts.


EXT. GREAT WALL OF L.A. - LATE AFTERNOON, A WEEK LATER

Alex and Nicole walk along the east bank of the Tujunga
Wash flood control channel, in a grassy area with
widely-separated trees.  Stretching for a half-mile or
more on the west wall is a mural which tells the
history of California from the age of dinosaurs to the
present.  They admire the artisan's handiwork as they
stroll, but they are more caught up in their own
conversation.

ALEX
How long was your Chinese massage
workshop?

NICOLE
Just two days.

ALEX
I'm glad you saved some time for me
before your flight.  I wanted to
talk to you about my book.

NICOLE
I still haven't found those stories
you wrote for me.

ALEX
No matter - I'm writing a lot of
new stuff.  The research I'm doing
on Hildegard is especially
inspiring.

NICOLE
Why is that?

ALEX
She was an exceptional woman.  She
advised a pope, an emperor and a
king, and she was widely respected
as a prophet.  They called her the
Sybil of the Rhine.  She even did
exorcisms!

NICOLE
And how much of this is making it
into your book?

ALEX
Not a whole lot.  Some of it is
just background for a story about
Erna.  I do want to make Hildegard
the focus of a longer piece, but I
still have to figure out my
relationship with her.

NICOLE
Don't you mean Volmar's
relationship?
ALEX
No, I feel like I have to find out
what it is between her and me.

They walk in SILENCE for awhile.  A few cars go by.

NICOLE
How did you spend your day?

ALEX
I had a karate lesson this morning.

NICOLE
You're back in it?  Good for you!

ALEX
Yeah, it's stimulating to have that
discipline and spiritual
orientation back.  And after a
year's layoff, the physical workout
doesn't hurt, either.

NICOLE
I noticed a blue uniform jacket in
the back of your car.  Where did
that come from?

ALEX
I'm doing some volunteer work at
the hospital, and they make us wear
that to identify ourselves.

NICOLE
(impressed)
Germany was a real cusp in your
life, wasn't it?

ALEX
Maybe.  What's a cusp?

NICOLE
(smiling)
It's a mathematical term - it
basically means a turning point.

ALEX
Well, I told you I felt like a wet
watermelon seed.

NICOLE
But then you didn't know what
direction you were going.  Now you
seem to have chosen a course.

ALEX
Nah, I'm just bumbling along.

NICOLE
Some of the Eastern disciplines I
study concern themselves with a
concept they call "right action at
cusp".

ALEX
How do you determine the right
action to take?  How can you figure
out something like that?

NICOLE
A lot of it has to do with the
demands of the particular time.
Sometimes you have to immerse
yourself fully in the experience
and let it guide you.

ALEX
Sparky said something like that,
but he hauled in a goofy dancing
analogy.

NICOLE
What do you want?  He's a dance
maniac!

ALEX
Someone else I know told me to
consult a channeler for direction.

NICOLE
I've never been to a channeler
you'll have to tell me what it's
like.
ALEX
To tell you the truth, I feel like
this person might wind up being a
quack.

NICOLE
So what?  Keep your mind open and
try it for the experience.  Your
intuition is becoming much
stronger, and it will tell you what
feels right.  If you trust your
inner voice, you can't go wrong.

ALEX
I've been getting some strong
nudges when I sit down to write.
Sometimes it feels like Hildegard
is whispering the words in my ear.

NICOLE
And how does it come out when you
write them down?

ALEX
Some stories are more complete than
others.  I just rewrite them until
they sound okay.  I'm working on
one right now that's heavily
influenced by Sparky and Erna.

NICOLE
What's it about?

ALEX
It deals with the changing nature
of personal reality.

NICOLE
Just a light piece, I see.

ALEX
(smiles)
For instance, several people could
be walking this same path and see
entirely different things in that
wall.

NICOLE
(stares at mural)
I like the strong imagery.

ALEX
And I like the historical
significance of those sequences.
(points)  But there are also
disturbing sections, and someone
could concentrate on those and
become very upset.

NICOLE
So what's the point?

ALEX
Well, it's not just this mural, and
it's not just external reality.
Each moment that we're alive has
the potential for great joy and
also for great tragedy...

NICOLE
...and it's just a matter of where
we choose to put our attention.

ALEX
Exactly!  Not only do we have this
wonderful ability to perceive our
own lives as full of joy or pain,
but we also have a limited power to
bring joy or pain to someone else's
life.

Alex is caught up in this idea, and his face nearly
glows as he looks across at the mural.  Nicole gazes
admiringly at this person next to her, and she sees the
man she fell in love with nearly twenty years ago.
They continue walking and realize they're back at
Alex's car.  Alex checks his watch and suddenly hurries
to unlock Nicole's door.

ALEX
(continuing)
I'd better get you to the airport,
or you'll miss your flight!

Alex holds the door for her, and she gets inside.  The
door closes.


INT. ALEX'S CAR - CONTINUOUS

As Alex rushes around to get in the driver's side,
Nicole smiles to herself and speaks words that might or
might not have been meant for Alex:

NICOLE
I could have taken the later
flight.  There might even be one in
the morning.

Alex opens his door and jumps in behind the wheel.  As
he starts the car, puts it in gear and checks the
mirror for traffic, he asks:

ALEX
Did you say something?

NICOLE
Just trying to remember the gate
number.  I'll check my boarding
pass.


INT. VIRELLA'S LIVING ROOM - MORNING, TWO DAYS LATER

Caprice and Alex sit on a couch in a comfortable,
well-furnished living room.  There are many crystals of
various sizes on the coffee table, and a couple of huge
geodes - they have been sawn in half and reveal
thousands of red crystals lining the center of their
respective cavities.  There's a dream-image painting
hanging over the mantle, of a woman in the clouds who's
in the process of changing into a butterfly.  Alex gets
up to check out the full-to-overflowing bookshelf, and
finds copies of "The Celestine Prophecy" and "Seth
Speaks", as well as many self-help, inner-child and
co-dependency books.  Lower on the shelf are some
videotapes, notably "Field of Dreams" and "Little
Buddha".  Caprice walks up behind Alex, and looks over
the books herself.

CAPRICE
She's got a lot of the same books
as my spiritual practitioner.

ALEX
Okay, I'll bite - what's a
"spiritual practitioner"?

CAPRICE
I attend a Religious Science church
from time to time, and
practitioners are trained lay
people who help with spiritual
crises.

ALEX
Such as whether to polish off the
entire pint of H agen-Dazs?

CAPRICE
Now who's being sacrilegious?

ALEX
Sorry.  It's a very stressful time
for me.  Now Religious Scientists
are they the ones who don't believe
in doctors, or the ones who knock
at your door?

CAPRICE
Alex!  Those are Christian
Scientists and... Avon ladies.  Now
tell me why this is stressful for
you.

ALEX
I can't believe I'm seeing a
channeler - this is way beyond what
I consider to be normal.

Caprice picks up a magnetic compass from the mantel,
and beckons Alex to come and sit on the couch.

CAPRICE
You see this compass?  It always
points to magnetic North, unless...

She moves the compass near one of the geodes.  The
needle of the compass flips toward the geode.

CAPRICE
(continuing)
...it gets near a deposit of iron.
When it moves away from the iron...

She brings the compass closer to herself.  The needle
swings back to where it was originally.

CAPRICE
(continuing)
...the needle finds North again.
You have a direction finder inside
yourself that works just as well.

ALEX
You mean if I get too close to a
geode, I'll walk in circles?

CAPRICE
Lunatic.  If anything Virella, or
rather, Setlak, says doesn't agree
with your internal direction-finder,
you'll know it - and you'll
reject the advice.  You're a big
boy - you know what's best for you.

ALEX
Then why did I come here?

CAPRICE
You're curious.  You're on a
spiritual quest, you're very
concerned that you're moving in the
right direction, and you're looking
for input.  That's why you came to
see me.

ALEX
Actually, Hunter Thompson, the
celebrated gonzo journalist, has an
idea of God that's a lot like your
Mr. Wizard demonstration, there.
He says that if you get lined up
with the quote "Great Magnet",
everything starts falling into
place - and if you try to go
against that irresistible force,
you might as well piss into the
wind.

CAPRICE
Piss into...?

ALEX
It's a guy thing - like writing
your name in the snow.

VIRELLA enters the living room from the study.  She's a
small woman of indeterminate age, with greying hair.
She wears a loose-fitting robe, and a small crystal
hangs from a delicate chain around her neck.  She looks
vigorously healthy, and she shepherds another CLIENT
toward the door.  Her voice is very businesslike, and
somewhat masculine.

VIRELLA
So give me a call if you ever want
Setlak to do a telepathic reading.

Alex rolls his eyes at Caprice, who pats his hand
reassuringly.  Virella shows the client out, and then
approaches Alex very directly.  She looks piercingly
into his eyes, and the only way to describe her
demeanor is centered.  There are no superfluous
movements, no nervous twitches or extraneous throat
clearings, nothing but complete and absolute attention
on Alex.  Alex, however, is fidgety.

ALEX
Hi, I'm Alex.  You must be Virella.

VIRELLA
I must be.  Greetings to you both.

Virella executes a small, Buddhist-like bow, with hands
steepled in front of her.  Caprice responds in kind,
and Alex starts to do the same, but thinks better of
it, smirks, and offers a mechanical, one-inch wave at
about stomach level.


INT. VIRELLA'S STUDY - ONE HOUR LATER

Virella sits in a straight-backed wooden chair and her
eyes are closed, even when she speaks.  Alex sits
facing her, studying her demeanor minutely from about
five feet away, and he's intensely curious:

ALEX
If I understand this all correctly,
Setlak, you're a being that exists
on the... Higher Planes, and you
use this woman's body to give
advice to those of us who live on
Earth.

VIRELLA (SETLAK)
That's correct, dear one.

Now that she's channeling Setlak, Virella's voice is
markedly different from before - it's higher, though
still in the "masculine" range.  The most dramatic
change is that it's somehow gentler.

ALEX
Why do you spend time counseling
people on this level of existence?
I thought all the good stuff was
happening on the Higher Planes.

VIRELLA (SETLAK)
Earth is in enormous danger right
now, unless we intervene.  There
are so many people acting from
motives of greed and selfishness
that the planet could destroy
itself.  That would be a great tragedy,
because the fundamental vibration
of this planet is one of love and
light.  I come here to rattle your
cage, to get you to think about
addressing your internal problems,
and to show you that you can become
very clear in your relationships
with everyone around you.

ALEX
Okay, assuming that I'm acting in
an unclear manner with people
which I'm not admitting, by the
way - even if I decide to clean up
my act, I'm only one of billions of
people!  You can't possibly hope to
get your message across to more
than a few of us.

VIRELLA (SETLAK)
We are not the only ones doing this
work - there are many channels such
as Virella working around the
globe.  And you would be surprised
at the contagious effect that one
person's decision to get clear has
on the people with whom he or she
comes in contact.  It is as if the
Universe senses that decision, that
commitment, and THWACK! - all of a
sudden a hundred people around that
person all decide they have to
investigate a clearer way of
relating to people.

ALEX
But I'm very... ambivalent about
your advice.

VIRELLA (SETLAK)
And you should be, dear one.  As I
told you when we began, you must be
extremely skeptical of what I tell
you, and see if it feels right to
you inside.  If something doesn't
feel right, don't act on it.

ALEX
You think that I'm on the right
track in writing about Hildegard?

VIRELLA (SETLAK)
There is no "good" or "bad" track
for anyone on this planet.  You
must find what feels right for you,
and pursue that path
wholeheartedly.  You can fulfill
your own potential, and not waste
your time living up to someone
else's standards.  If you listen to
the advice that your intuition
offers you, you cannot go wrong.
On the other hand, if you try to
copy someone else's life, you will
find in the end that you are not
satisfied.  You will have lived
someone else's life, and although
it may have been a comfortable
life, it will rot your soul.  At
some point you will discover that
you could have had a unique life
you could have lived Alex's life,
and danced a dance that no-one else
can dance!

ALEX
(sarcastic)
With my two left feet, it will be a
unique dance.  Are you saying that
I shouldn't write about Hildegard?

VIRELLA (SETLAK)
(chuckling)
Alex, you are tippy-toeing around
in several areas of your life.  You
know which decisions you have to
make, but you're afraid of losing
some appealing options.  But the
new alternatives which appear after
you make a clear decision will more
than compensate you for the choices
you think are lost.  Be bold
don't live life timidly.  Follow
your intuition, don't look back,
and enjoy the surprises that come
your way.

ALEX
Surprises?  Tell me about the
surprises!

VIRELLA (SETLAK)
The first surprise is that our
session is over - but don't rely on
other people to generate your
surprises!  Go out and construct an
enchanting life for yourself.
You know that you're completely
responsible for whatever comes your
way, so go ahead and create some
light on this planet.


INT. JAPANESE PAVILION, L.A. COUNTY MUSEUM - DAY, THREE
WEEKS LATER

John, Alex and Caprice stare down through the
three-story-tall open area at the center of this striking
building.  The outside shell, made of translucent
fiberglass, lets in a muted light and gives the
impression of a wrap-around shoji screen.  There is a
quiet, restful waterfall in the center, and the
galleries are tastefully arranged Guggenheim-fashion,
next to a ramp which spirals continuously downward
through the three floors.  John's eating a bag of
jellybeans, and offers the bag to Caprice:

JOHN
Jelly Belly?

Caprice checks her waistband.

CAPRICE
Pardon me?

JOHN
It's just the brand of jellybeans.
These things had Reagan on a sugar
rush for two terms.  I hear it was
the only way they could keep him
from napping.  Want some?

CAPRICE
Oh!  Thanks.

They all start down the gently sloping ramp, and
superficially examine the antique Japanese art
objects - Edo scrolls and screens, etc.  As they walk,
the camera TRACKS with them.

ALEX
John and I met our guardian angels
in the flesh, at Barney's last
month.

JOHN
And what an handsome bunch o' guys
they were.  While they were buying,
(sings) "I could have drank all
night".

Caprice, bewildered, looks to Alex for an explanation,
but he and John are doing shtick, and they're
metaphorically off and running.

ALEX
Do you think we fit in with that
crowd of free-range lowlifes?

JOHN
Surely you jest.  My uncles loved
to go hunting, and they had a
phrase for colorful savages like
that.

ALEX
Which would be?

JOHN
"The things you see when you don't
have a gun".

ALEX
I think I saw that on a
bumpersticker the other day.

JOHN
Yeah, you're gonna have to keep
your head down on the freeways
it's open season now.

ALEX
Bagged your limit yet?

JOHN
(Transylvanian
accent)
No, when I stalk my victims, I
prefer the intoxication of flesh on
flesh.

In a flash, John bends Caprice over backwards and
pretends to clamp his mouth on her neck to suck her
blood.  Caprice looks flustered, but when he lets her
back up, if the truth be known, she's just the
slightest bit turned on.  Alex and John have walked
ahead, caught up in their babbling.

ALEX
And how goes the babe-shopping?

JOHN
Not good - I'm thinking of having
my picture and phone number printed
up on flyers, and stuffing them
under windshield wipers.


INT. ANDERSON GALLERY, L.A. COUNTY MUSEUM - TWENTY
MINUTES LATER

CLOSE-UP of a car windshield - as the camera ZOOMS OUT
and DOLLIES, we see two sculpted caricatures of a man
and a woman, locked in a sordid embrace in the back
seat of the car.  John and Alex intently study the
avant-garde sculpture, as Caprice hangs back a little.

ALEX
Interesting technique.

John and Caprice both give him the hairy eyeball.

ALEX
(continuing)
I was talking about the artist.
(pause)  You degenerates.

John reads from a program.

JOHN
It says here that this guy has also
done a half-scale mockup of the bar
at Barney's.  It's in a museum in
Amsterdam.

ALEX
Let's go see it!

JOHN
In Holland?  My wooden shoes are at
the cobbler's.

Behind the three looms a rectangular bank of small
color television monitors.  With an electronic BUZZ,
the monitors all snap on at once.  In the upper left
corner of the bank, a square of twenty monitors outputs
a madly-changing, digitally-manipulated program of
stars on a blue background.  The stars melt, spin,
explode, tilt, and perform hundreds of other maneuvers.
The rest of the bank outputs two other programs, in
alternating horizontal rows of predominately red and
white.  So, although there are three distinct
wildly-paced, processed-effect programs being presented,
the overall impression of the bank is that of an American
flag.  The three turn around when they hear the BUZZ,
and John and Alex slowly snap into a salute.  Caprice
GIGGLES, walks between the two meatballs, and puts an
arm over each of their shoulders.

CAPRICE
I think that's a sign that we
should stay in this country.
(pause)  I can't remember when I've
enjoyed a museum more.

John does a Groucho Marx imitation, and strides off
arm-in-arm with Caprice.

JOHN
If you really wanna see some fun,
invite us over for your next formal
soir e.

Alex wanders after them.

ALEX
You know, John, I think you need to
cut back on the acting classes.
You're getting too normal.

JOHN
And you need to give up those high
colonics.  You're starting to
pucker.

Caprice pretends to be scandalized:

CAPRICE
John!

JOHN
Pay no attention to me.  It's the
jellybeans talking.


INT. BING CENTER, L.A. COUNTY MUSEUM - TEN MINUTES
LATER

The three sit in an auditorium with hundreds of other
expectant AUDIENCE members.  John studies his xeroxed
program; Caprice sits in the middle.

CAPRICE
Just in time for their weekly
chamber music concert!

JOHN
Alex, you should look at the first
piece.

John hands the program to Alex.

ALEX
Hildegard von Bingen!  Now that's a
sign.  What's it telling us?

CAPRICE
Us, Kemo Sabe?


INT. ALEX'S LIVING ROOM - LATE THAT NIGHT

Alex and Caprice lie naked on the rug in front of the
fire.  They have a comforter to hide, or perhaps
reveal, their activities - they are making love with an
almost abstracted air.  From time to time, we see in
their faces that they are enjoying each other's body,
but their conversation takes precedence most of the
time.  The pace of the conversation is slow, like the
pace of their lovemaking.  She's on top.

ALEX
Sometimes I feel like... I can
reach out and... touch the face of
God.
CAPRICE
If you touch anything, it'll be
female.

ALEX
So God is a woman.  I always
wondered.

CAPRICE
You're very open tonight.

ALEX
I'm ready for whatever comes next.

CAPRICE
And I'm ready... for the next...

Caprice arches her back and quietly ORGASMS - we see
this mostly in her face.  Alex draws her close and
whispers into her ear:

ALEX
I love you, Preece.

Alex strokes her back, and SHUDDERS run the length of
her body.  They remain interlocked, and Alex stares
into the darkness.  Candles and the fire provide the
only illumination.  After a little while, Caprice
starts moving again.  They smile at each other.

CAPRICE
And I love you, Alex.

ALEX
I'm voting for mothers at the next
election.

CAPRICE
What made you decide that?

ALEX
Men have screwed up long enough.
If a woman can care for a child,
she's gotta be more responsible
that most men.

CAPRICE
Voting the Estrogen Ticket, eh?

ALEX
Hey, you already have my vote.  You
don't need to lobby... mmm... so
well.

CAPRICE
One for the road.

She gazes meaningfully at him, while continuing to move
above him.  He smiles a bittersweet smile.

ALEX
It is about time, isn't it?

CAPRICE
Yeah.  I'm going to miss this.

ALEX
Tell me about it.

Caprice kisses various parts of his body.

CAPRICE
I'll miss this, and this, and...
this... and...

A low VIBRATION shakes the room - several picture
frames TAP the wall insistently.  The CD player FALLS
off the wall, and the CD's narrowly miss their heads.
There are SOUNDS of glass breaking, things falling, and
water spraying from other parts of the condo.  The room
moves up and down quite violently, side-to-side, etc.
Twenty seconds later, things calm down; Caprice and
Alex are staring into each other's eyes.  Alex
distractedly brushes some CD's aside, and they continue
moving against each other.  Alex kisses her ears, her
eyes, her breasts.

ALEX
...and this... and this... and...

CAPRICE/ALEX
(continuing)
...and this.

They CLIMAX together - a long moment of staring into
each other's eyes before closing them; lying back,
they're spent.  The telephone RINGS seconds later.
Alex kisses her, long and hard, before putting his
bathrobe on and standing up.

ALEX
(continuing)
I don't think there's any danger of
us forgetting that.

They GIGGLE, as Alex gets the phone on the eighth RING.

ALEX
(continuing)
Speak.  (pause)  Your power's off,
and you want me to what?!  (pause,
looking around)  I have plumbing to
fix, dishes to glue...  (pause)
Yeah, my power seems to be back
on...  (pause)  Okay, okay, I'll
tape it for you.

Alex hangs up and walks toward the study.  Caprice
looks at him inquiringly.

ALEX
(continuing)
John.  The VCR.  Cable news TV.
The Four Jockeys of the Apocalypse.
'Nuff said?

As he exits, they both EXPLODE in gales of laughter.


INT. ALEX'S LIVING ROOM - MUCH LATER THAT NIGHT

All the lights are on, and the promise of dawn creeps
through the balcony doors.  There are three piles of
personal belongings stacked in the room; Alex, Caprice
and John sit cross-legged on the floor.  Everybody's
fully dressed, and looking fairly haggard.  Except for
Alex - his faces shines with an inner light, and his
energy level is definitely on an upswing.

JOHN
Thanks for letting us stay here.

CAPRICE
Yeah, it looks like we're both
effectively homeless.

ALEX
Not as long as this place is still
standing, you're not.

Alex stands up and starts to ZIP some duffel bags in
one of the piles.  Caprice moves over and hugs him.  He
returns the embrace warmly.

CAPRICE
I'll always remember that
aftershock.

ALEX
Me, too.

They kiss.  John's bewildered, and slightly alarmed.

JOHN
I didn't feel any aftershocks.

ALEX
You might have missed it.  The
epicenter was over that way.

Alex points vaguely in the direction of the fireplace,
where the logs have been reduced to embers.

JOHN
(still rattled)
Oh.

ALEX
Look guys, I'm only coming back for
visits, so remember to have a
plumber fix the second bathroom, as
soon as you can.

CAPRICE
Was the Santa Monica store
completely wiped out?

Alex seems almost happy to nod in the affirmative.

ALEX
If any of the employees check in
today, tell them I can probably
offer them jobs in San Francisco
soon.  Maybe just part-time at
first, but... I'll call them all,
after I get settled.

JOHN
So you're moving... just like that?

ALEX
I got some Postcards last night.
Lots of Postcards.

John shakes his head.

JOHN
Your mail delivery is a hell of a
lot better than mine.

ALEX
John, old buddy, it turns out that
it's a hell of a lot better than I
ever imagined.

Alex smiles at Caprice, as John FLOPS onto the couch.

JOHN
I gotta crash.

ALEX
(to Caprice)
You'd better rest up, too.  You've
got a busy day ahead.

CAPRICE
Not as busy as the one I left
behind.

Alex remembers something before he walks out, and
returns to pick up a certain golden CD out of the
jumble on the floor.


EXT. GHIRARDELLI SQUARE, SAN FRANCISCO - DAY, FOUR DAYS
LATER

Alex and Nicole descend the steps on the bay side of
the famous chocolate factory/shopping complex, and walk
in a westerly direction.  It's a foggy day, and the
Alcatraz foghorn is BLOWING plaintively.

ALEX
I have an efficiency in Noe Valley,
a futon, a gas hot plate... and I'm
writing like a demon.

NICOLE
Hildegard?

ALEX
Who else?  (pause)  You've never
heard her music, have you?  I've
got some with me.

Alex snakes two headphones out of his shoulder bag, and
hands a set to Nicole.  He fiddles in the bag and puts
on his headset.  Nicole slowly puts hers on, too.

ALEX'S P.O.V.

He's walking out onto a small spit of land - it looks
like a concrete breakwater of sorts.  The beautiful
MUSIC drowns out all external sounds, until one side
Nicole's side - becomes FAINTER, and we hear some
AMBIENT SOUNDS from that side.  She's evidently lifted
his earpiece.

NICOLE (O.S.)
My father died last night.

The camera PIVOTS to frame Nicole.  She looks up at
Alex with a serious expression, but no sign of sorrow.
She might be struggling for self-control, but it's hard
to tell.

ANGLE ON ALEX AND NICOLE

Alex takes his headphones off, then reaches gently for
hers - they're like tiny earmuffs for her delicate
ears.  He slips them off her head, then enfolds her in
a hug.  Indescribable emotions play across her face,
but she doesn't break.  Not yet.

ALEX
Are you going back to France?

NICOLE
You know how I felt about him.

ALEX
But it's for those who are left
behind.

NICOLE
I have very little money.

ALEX
I have enough.

NICOLE
You're supporting two people in
L.A., you've put two extra people
on your payroll up here, and you
only have one store now.

ALEX
I'll find some money.

NICOLE
I don't want to go.

ALEX
(pause)
What can I do?

NICOLE
Come and stay with me.

ALEX
(slowly)
I'll come and sleep on your couch.

NICOLE
I don't want you on the couch.  I
want you in my bed.

ALEX
Maybe after awhile.  Let's wait and
see.


INT. NICOLE'S LIVING ROOM, NAPA - THE NEXT MORNING

Alex sleeps on the couch, his hand dangling over the
side.  As the camera WIDENS OUT, we see Nicole's
tear-stained face, asleep on the floor next to the couch,
hugging Alex's hand to her cheek.  Alex wakes up
slowly, notices his hand is not free, and peeks over
the edge of the couch.  He stares down at the sleeping
Nicole for a long time, then a lone tear makes its way
down his face.

INT. NICOLE'S KITCHEN - AN HOUR LATER

Alex cooks some oatmeal; Nicole putters with juice and
muffins next to him.

ALEX
I think I should go back to the
City today.

NICOLE
(frightened)
I'll stay in my bedroom tonight.

ALEX
That's not it.  (pause)  I might
wind up in there with you.

NICOLE
(smiling
uncertainly)
Would that be so bad?

ALEX
It might be.  (pause)  Don't get me
wrong.  I want you, Nicole.  But
you're vulnerable right now, and
I'd rather have something that will
last.  You can't work out your
feelings about your father on me.

Nicole's tears flow freely.  Alex reluctantly takes her
into his arms.

ALEX
(continuing)
Or maybe I'll just stay on the
couch for awhile longer.


INT. HESS WINERY/ART GALLERY, NAPA - TWO WEEKS LATER

Nicole and Sparky are having their own private wine
tasting at the polished mahogany bar.  They're very
glad to see each other, and raise their glasses in a
toast:

SPARKY
Salut, ma petite!

NICOLE
Skoal, you big lunk!  When's the
happy day?

SPARKY
As soon as we can book the balloon.
Do you know whether that minister
still performs weddings?

NICOLE
If he's smart, he'll never go up in
a balloon again.

SPARKY
(chuckles)
I've got this fantasy of
re-assembling the same cast.

NICOLE
You mean Alex and that minister in
the same balloon?  (pause)  How
does Inger feel about bloodshed?!

SPARKY
She'll make herself useful - she's
a nurse.

They LAUGH and toast again:

NICOLE
One for Erna - la crˆme de la
crˆme.

SPARKY
Et   votre pŠre - may he rest in
peace.

NICOLE
Yes, indeed.  (pause, thoughtful)
I'm glad you came to my massage
studio before you saw Alex.

They drink pensively, then put down their glasses and
wander out into the gallery area.  The old winery
building has been lovingly restored; aged bricks adjoin
blindingly white walls.  There are lots of windows,
skylights and open stairways.  The camera FOLLOWS them
as they walk up the stairs.

SPARKY
How are you doing?

NICOLE
Actually, quite well.  I wish I
could convince Alex of that.

SPARKY
Is he being overprotective?

NICOLE
No, he's just being... Alex.  He's
like the old Alex, except, you
know, better?

SPARKY
And what do you want?

NICOLE
I want us back.

SPARKY
Won't he go for that?!

NICOLE
He doesn't want to get hurt again.
If I were him, I'd probably feel
the same.

They walk past a white wall that has an antique
Underwood typewriter mounted on it.  The platen roller
has been replaced with a cylinder which supplies
natural gas, and flames leap up several inches.

NICOLE
(continuing)
He's probably writing as we speak.

SPARKY
Tell me something.  Would he get
hurt again?

NICOLE
No, but he suspects that I'm
turning to him temporarily, just
because of my father.

SPARKY
I thought you processed most of
those feelings over the past few
years.

NICOLE
Exactly - but I never told Alex...

SPARKY
...and it looks suspicious if you
tell him now.

NICOLE
Oh, can you imagine?  I can't even
begin to think of what he'd say if
I tell him I want to have his
children.

Sparky is jolted by this admission.  They walk SILENTLY
through a room filled with modern art, until he gathers
himself.

SPARKY
You know I love this man dearly,
but are we talking about the same
Alex?  The sexist guy who
practically abandoned you to start
his business?

NICOLE
Something happened in Germany,
Lars.  His encounter with Hildegard
opened him up, and he's blossoming
more every day.  I know we could
start growing together again...

SPARKY
(sees the problem)
...but he won't believe it, even if
you say it.

NICOLE
What a mess.


INT. GLIDE MEMORIAL CHURCH, SAN FRANCISCO - THE NEXT
MORNING

This former legitimate theatre has been converted into
a gospel church, and it's fairly rocking with hand-clapping
MUSIC.  The CHOIR is on a set of risers to the
left of the stage, and they're leading the CONGREGATION
in a rousing spiritual.  The seats are dotted with
foreigners and tourists - it's a very mixed group, and
everybody is having a blast.  Alex, Nicole, Sparky and
a blonde woman, INGER, are enjoying the service; you
can tell from their faces that they, like most everyone
else, feel that this is the way church ought to be.
Sparky is surprised when he notices someone in the
choir, and he nudges Alex and Nicole to look.

ANGLE ON

Reverend Clyde Hixson.  He looks a lot looser than when
he performed the balloon marriage, and he's singing his
ass off.


EXT. TENDERLOIN DISTRICT, SAN FRANCISCO - A HALF-HOUR
LATER

Sparky, Inger, Alex and Nicole LAUGH gaily as they walk
down the street.  It's the area around the church, and
the neighborhood has seen better days.

ALEX
Did he remember you?

SPARKY
He remembered all of us.  He said
that when you dumped him out of the
balloon, it changed his life.

ALEX
(mystified)
How so?

SPARKY
He realized that he had blinders
on, in the way he had been looking
at the world.  So he gave up
preaching for awhile, and started
working with the homeless here in
the Tenderloin.

NICOLE
How did he wind up in that choir?

SPARKY
Most of the work he does now is
through Glide Memorial.  He never
used to sing, but he says he
realized that our life's breath is
a gift of God, and that it should
be used to praise God.

ALEX
That's exactly what Hildegard said!

SPARKY
He told me he's been reading up on
her.

INGER
Did you ask if he'll perform our
wedding?

SPARKY
Next Saturday.

CHEERS from all.

ALEX
Do I dare to come?

SPARKY
He wants to thank you personally.

ALEX
Hmmm.  Maybe I'd better wear my
parachute.

Everyone LAUGHS.

NICOLE
Tell us the story of how you and
Inger met.

SPARKY
Alex may remember her from the
hospital.

ALEX
(astonished)
Is Inger... the blonde nurse that
Erna wanted you to meet?!

INGER
The same.  I owe Erna a great debt.

Inger hugs Sparky.

ALEX
We all owe her a great debt.

NICOLE
I'll second that.

Nicole hugs Alex - he looks at her quizzically.  They
all pass an abandoned storefront.  In the darkness of
the recessed doorway, a HOMELESS MAN sits on the
ground - Alex is the only one who notices.  The group
turns a corner, and starts walking uphill.  Alex stops,
checks his pockets, and urges the others to keep going:

ALEX
I'll catch up to you - I dropped
something back there.

As he goes back around the corner, the women start
CHATTING and continue to climb the hill.  Sparky walks
behind them for a few steps, then changes his mind,
turns, and walks back to the corner.

ANGLE ON SPARKY

Sparky leans around the corner, to see what Alex is
doing down by the abandoned storefront.  While Sparky's
looking, unbeknownst to him, Nicole and Inger lean in
behind him.  Something about this scene brings the
Three Stooges to mind.

ANGLE ON ALEX

Alex has returned to the doorway, and offers a few
dollars to the homeless man.

HOMELESS MAN
God bless you, sir.

Alex stares blankly at the man for a few seconds, then
seems to really look into the face of this person.
Alex squats on his haunches to get down to the man's
eye level.  When he speaks, his voice is none too
steady:

ALEX
And... God bless you, sir.

ANGLE ON SPARKY

When Sparky finally realizes that the women are behind
him, he pulls a Laurel & Hardy move, hustling them, and
himself, away from the corner, and back up the hill.

ANGLE ON ALEX

Alex shakes hands with the homeless man, and gets up to
jog around the corner, back to the group.  When he
catches up, Sparky is lagging a little behind the
women.

SPARKY
Whatever happened to Caprice?

ALEX
She and John are talking about
buying my condo.

SPARKY
John?  The destitute John Densmore?

ALEX
The reformed John Densmore.  He
found a great job, with the cable
news channel.  (pause)  Between her
savings, and his healthy paycheck,
they should be able to swing the
mortgage in a few months.

SPARKY
That's an unlikely couple.

ALEX
You're telling me.  It was very
quick, but things seem to be going
well - they're even talking about
marriage and kids.

SPARKY
Inger and I want to have children
as soon as we can.

ALEX
Here in San Francisco?

SPARKY
No, we're moving back to Denmark.
Her mother is Danish - and I'd like
to do some long-overdue climbing in
my family tree.

ALEX
Everybody's life is moving right
along.  It's just me that seems to
be stuck.

SPARKY
You and Nicole should have kids at
the same time we do, so they can
visit back and forth across the
Atlantic.

ALEX
Nicole's not... (clenching his
teeth) together with me.  She'll
leave me when she's done mourning.

SPARKY
Her father's not an issue anymore,
Alex - she wants you back.

ALEX
(cynical)
She'll get over it.

SPARKY
Wake up, Alex.  She wants to have
your children.  Her biological
clock doesn't have a snooze alarm!

Alex turns on Sparky, ferociously:

ALEX
Why the hell are you saying that
shit?  Don't you think I want that,
too?

Alex walks on in SILENCE; Sparky follows a pace or two
behind.  The women are far ahead of them, engrossed in
CONVERSATION.

ALEX
(continuing, tiny
voice)
It would just fall apart again.


INT. NICOLE'S LIVING ROOM - THE NEXT EVENING

Alex sits in front of an empty typewriter, looking
through a file folder full of papers.  Nicole enters
from outside, holding an armful of mail, including a
small box.

NICOLE
I'm sorry I left before you were up
today.  Did you sleep well?

ALEX
(distracted)
Fine.  As usual.

NICOLE
The couch is firm enough for your
back?

ALEX
Sure.  (pause)  Nicole, I was
looking through the bottom of the
closet for some typing paper, and I
came across this file.

Nicole looks over his shoulder.

NICOLE
You found your stories!  Great!

ALEX
Yeah, but there were also some
drawings with them.

Nicole fingers a couple of pages, and then recognizes
them.

NICOLE
Ah.  These were sketches I made of
my dreams, just after we separated.
This one kept coming back - that's
why there are several of them.

She turns over another few pages, and we see that the
drawings are all similar - they're of the ruins of a
religious building, the roof is missing, and the rest
of the building seems hundreds of years old.  The far
wall of the building stands by itself in the open air.
In the triangular upper portion of the wall, there are
three windows, set in a triangular pattern, and the top
window is noticeably offset to the right.

NICOLE
(continuing)
I could never figure out what that
place was.

Nicole turns away to open the box that came in the mail
delivery.  She doesn't notice that Alex is visibly
agitated.

NICOLE
(continuing)
You know, this box is related to
those drawings - I had a jeweler in
San Francisco design me a ring.
Whenever I looked down at my hand
in those dreams, I saw this.

From the packing in the box, Nicole has extracted a
golden ring, inlaid with a white stone.  The letter "H"
is engraved in the white stone, with the vertical
portions of the letter curving outward toward the top
and bottom.  She slips the ring on her finger and
models it.

NICOLE
(continuing)
Do you like it?

SUPERIMPOSE ALEX'S MEMORY - CONTINUOUS

The woman from Alex's monastery vision, who is also the
same woman from his jet cabin dream, and from Tarot
card #2, SHIMMERS into ghostly life and overlays
Nicole.  We now know this woman to be Hildegard
von Bingen, and as we ZOOM IN to the wraith-like ring
on her finger, we see that it's the same as Nicole's.
ECHOING in Alex's memory are Hildegard's words:

HILDEGARD
Give me life, Volmar.

LOSE SUPER

We're fully back to the living room.  Alex has Nicole's
hand in his hand, and he can't look away from the ring.

NICOLE
I see you do like the ring, eh?!

ALEX
What?  ...Oh, I guess, yeah.
(pause)  What does the "H" stand
for?

NICOLE
Oh, that could be an "H", couldn't
it?  I just liked the way the sides
curved.  It was a dream, you know?
It's only an abstract design.

ALEX
(intense)
Sparky told me you want to have
children with me.

Nicole pulls away and mechanically walks across the
room.  She reaches a table, leans over it, and POUNDS
the top of it hard.  She keeps her back to Alex, as she
spits out the following:

NICOLE
He shouldn't have told you that.

ALEX
But it's true, isn't it?

Nicole's world has been destroyed.  Her shoulders sag,
her head is down, her eyes are closed.  She can barely
get the words out:

NICOLE
Yes, Alex.

ALEX
(cheerfully)
So when do we start?


INT. NICOLE'S BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Alex and Nicole kiss longingly and roll around on the
bed, fully clothed.  An upright floor lamp has been
draped with a gauze-like blue scarf.  Nicole gets up to
undress, facing away from the camera.  In the blue
light, the muscle definition in her back becomes very
distinct - this is the cumulative effect of massaging
several clients a day over a period of years.  She's a
small person, but it's easy to see that she's extremely
powerful.  She turns off the LIGHT switch, and on the
ensuing BLACK SCREEN,

CREDITS ROLL

We can still hear various THUMPS, the SOUND of a hanger
being taken off a rack and the RUSTLE of clothing.

NICOLE
As soon as I get into this, I'm
going to turn the lights back on.

ALEX
What is it?

NICOLE
You do remember the black dress you
bought me in Key West?

ALEX
Do I ever!

NICOLE
Well, feel that.

ALEX
Oh, boy.  And feel those.  Ummm.

NICOLE
Ooooh.  Ils sont trop longs.

ALEX
No, they're not.  It'll make it
easy for the baby to get them in
her mouth.

NICOLE
Oh?  Tu veux une jeune fille?

ALEX
Or for him to get them in his
mouth.  Doesn't matter.

Sounds of SUCKING and LICKING.  [Writing is dirty
work - but somebody's gotta do it.]

NICOLE
Uhnnn...  Si tu n'arrˆtes pas...

ALEX
Do you want me to stop?

NICOLE
Non... non... non.  Prends moi.

ALEX
My pleasure.

Simultaneous GASPS of ecstasy from both of them,
followed by SOUNDS of lovemaking.  Ad-libs encouraged.

NICOLE
Je suis fier d'ˆtre Femme avec toi.

ALEX
(sighing)
I know.  I'm proud to be male when
I'm with you.

NICOLE
C'est bon... ohhh, que c'est bon.

ALEX
The best.

Various GROANS, MOANS and sharp INTAKES of breath give
us a vivid idea of what's going on in the DARKNESS.
And, of course, we don't want to get out of our theatre
seats because there's a good chance that the infamous
black dress will make an appearance, with Nicole in it.
Or, partially in it.  Perhaps the anticipation can be
prolonged with a SILHOUETTE of Nicole moving on top of
Alex, with her long nipples in evidence.  There's a
small break in the CREDITS for this.

NICOLE
Shall we get rid of this dress?

ALEX
No, I like the way it crinkles up.
It tickles my stomach.

NICOLE
(giggling)
Now that tickles me.  Oooooh, mon
Dieu.  That doesn't.

ALEX
Here, let me help you get into that
dress...  Hello!  How did you do
that?

NICOLE
Just contract those muscles...

ALEX
Ohhhhh, yes.  (pause)  Like this?

NICOLE
Oh, Alex, je suis - toi, pour tous
jours... toujours.

ALEX
And I'm yours, ma toute belle.

NICOLE
(pause)
Here, help me do this.  I'm going
to turn the lights back on.

ALEX
Why do you want to get into that
dress?

NICOLE
Don't you remember what happened
the last time?

ALEX
(suddenly decisive)
I'll help you get into the dress.
Here, the arm goes...

Nicole turns on a bedside lamp, just as the

CREDITS CONCLUDE.

If there's a union problem about this, we'll have the
I.A.T.S.E. logo tattooed on her breast.  Nicole is
wearing the black dress, straddling Alex, who is naked
on the bed.  Alex tugs the side of her dress to expose
one breast.

NICOLE
Voyeur!

ALEX
I believe that was originally a
French word.  Besides, we're all
voyeurs.

Nicole flirts seductively with the camera, as we

FADE TO BLACK.

THE END